I heaved for several minutes because every time I calmed down for a second, I thought of Hartley again and the whole cycle repeated. The tears were hot, my vision blurred, and the shivering had become all out shaking. I had no idea how long I’d been in there before I heard a voice on the other side of the stall door.
“Miro?”
No one but Ian was welcome.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I called back too loud, trying to get whoever it was to leave me the fuck alone.
“Can you open the door?”
Fuck. Josue.
“Just gimme a minute, kid.”
But he didn’t. Instead, under the bottom of the stall came a glass of water with lemon slices in it.
“What is this?” I asked, taking it from his outstretched hand.
“Are you kidding?”
I smiled in spite of everything, because he wasn’t being sassy. He was surprised. Like could I not see what it was?
“The lemons help with nausea,” he informed me. “Did you know there’s a huge fruit basket in your break room?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I know.”
He coughed softly. “Ginger tea would be best, but that takes a little bit of time and I didn’t see any chamomile, so you got lemon water.”
I sipped it slowly. Just the smell of it was soothing.
“I have peppermint oil in my bag that will help too if—”
“No, this is good. Thank you.”
Then he was quiet, which was unlike him, and after a couple of minutes, I flushed the toilet and came out of the stall. I was the adult in our relationship; I had to pull myself together. I was his knight, so I had to be strong, and that responsibility calmed me.
He was biting his bottom lip as he examined my face. “Why’re you crying?”
I took a breath before taking a sip of my water and turning for the sink. Placing the glass beside the next basin over, I turned on the water and splashed my face, holding on to the counter and taking shallow breaths as I let my head hang down between my shoulders.
His hand on my back, rubbing gently, was very kind.
“I’m okay,” I said, opening my eyes and turning to look at him. “I just got some bad news, is all.”
He stepped closer, into my space, and his hand went to the back of my neck, massaging, his fingers hitting knots of painful muscle. “You need a shower and food and to crawl into bed and sleep for a couple of days.”
I nodded.
“And you need me most of all.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes,” he promised. “I will take care of you and sleep with you and hold you supertight all through the night.”
It was a very sweet offer. “If my heart wasn’t already spoken for, I would totally take you up on that.”
His smile was warm as his hand dropped away. “I’ll give it some time, but if I don’t see this guy of yours in the next couple of months, I’m making the offer again.”
“I have no idea how long he’ll be gone,” I confessed as I turned off the water and straightened up, studying my face in the mirror. “God, I look like shit.”
“You look tired,” Josue corrected, passing me a few paper towels from the stack beside the mirror. “And pale, and the circles under your eyes are really dark.”
I took a few more sips of the water and found that my stomach was actually settling. And maybe it was the water, or maybe it was the barfing, or simply Josue’s calming demeanor, but whatever it was, I felt human again.
Turning to him, I grabbed him and hugged him hard. “When my partner’s not here, there’s no one to watch out for me, so I appreciate it.”
He gave me his weight, leaning heavily, and I knew that he was scared too. His whole life was up in the air, and I needed to remember that.
“You’re gonna make someone really happy,” I said.
“It could be you, marshal. Keep it in mind.”
I pushed him out to arm’s length. “I thought I was taking you to your love.”
He squinted, clearly giving that some thought.
“Come on,” I prodded, spinning him around and shoving him toward the door.
After dropping him off back in the conference room, I took my water with me and returned to Kage’s office. Closing the door behind me, I walked to the couch, took a seat again, and put the glass down on the end table, making sure I used a coaster.
It was odd. No one in the room said a word. It was like they had all been frozen since I left, except Kage, who was now leaning against the edge of his desk, looking at me.
“Sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he assured me. “Let us know when you’re ready.”
I waited another few moments, and then when my gaze met his, Kage gave me a faint, almost imperceptible nod.