He whimpered and wiggled and bumped me with his head and licked my hands until I buried them in the long fur Ian and I had to constantly stay on top of. He had to be brushed once a day, and we had just bought a vacuum cleaner we carried like a backpack. Whoever wore it looked like a Ghostbuster.
“Jesus, that dog is a monster,” Eli said as Chickie greeted him and then bolted back down the street to Ian. “I see the hair grew back over where he was shot.”
“Hair grows everywhere on the dog. That’s not an issue.”
When we got closer to the Greystone, I saw Ian sitting on the stairs in a pair of old threadbare jeans, one of my ancient University of Chicago T-shirts, and socks. He looked fantastic, like home, like everything I’d ever wanted.
What kind of idiot messed around with their life’s happiness? Who did that?
I nearly threw up again.
I finally had Ian; everything else should have been secondary. But that’s not what I was doing. I was being selfish, needing my personal and professional lives to be exactly what I wanted. It could be argued that I hadn’t picked my new job, that it was chosen for me. But I didn’t argue either. I accepted because I could see myself taking care of kids… helping….
But if I lost Ian because of the job… what was the use? It was an impossible choice, and I couldn’t move, couldn’t take another step, so horrified by the choice I faced. Eli walked by me and then stopped, realizing I wasn’t at his side.
He turned to come back, but Ian called to him.
In moments they switched positions, Eli at the top of the stoop and Ian walking quickly down the sidewalk toward me. I had the strangest urge to run, and so I grabbed the streetlight to prop me up and keep me from bolting.
“Don’t make me sic the dog on you,” Ian warned with a chuckle as he closed in.
I turned slowly, and he was close. Standing my ground, shoving my hands down into the pockets of my dress pants, I waited.
He didn’t stop, didn’t slow, just walked right up to me, slipped his hand around the back of my neck, and kissed me.
Hard, devouring, claiming, like he meant it, like I belonged to him, like he was trying to get my attention.
I broke the kiss when I couldn’t breathe, panting as I leaned my forehead against his. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too.”
I snapped my head up and stared into those beautiful blue eyes of his. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m the one who—”
“No,” he assured me, massaging the back of my neck, up in my hair. “I was wrong to think that I could stand between you and all the bad shit in your life. I want to protect you, and I missed having you there today, but I forgot that when you’re good at your job, people want you to do something more. It happened in the Army. I got good at one thing, and then there was always the next step to take. People expect you to climb up the ladder, not down.”
“Yes, they do,” I agreed, just soaking in the closeness, not looking away.
“This morning I thought, Kage is out of his fuckin’ mind, and then I spent all day being in charge of everyone outside our office, and it was like—”
“Natural.”
After a moment he nodded.
“You’re a born leader, Ian, just like Becker, just like Kage. People want to do what you tell them because they can see you’ll be right behind them.”
“And Kage sees that you’re good with people, and he knows how great at taking care of kids you are, so that’s why he picked you for Custodial.”
“I know I’m gonna get hurt, and I know that every day won’t be a win.”
“No, it won’t, but this morning when we left for work, I thought everything but you was the same as it was yesterday. I thought, if I’m going anywhere, it’s to SOG.”
“Sure.”
“But then we get to work and everything’s different, and you can’t work for me anymore anyway,” he said, chuckling. “I can’t order around the guy I sleep with.”
I grinned.
“You’re a pervert, just so you know,” Ian assured me.
The tears of relief came fast. The fear had been sitting on my heart all day long, since I’d decided to repress it and focus on the job. I’d been putting it aside, thinking about everything but losing Ian—and there was a whole laundry list of things to concentrate on—but when I saw him, it was like being caught in a landslide, and I was lost in seconds.
“Miro,” he rumbled, and the sound sent electric tingles running down my spine, straight to my cock. Nobody else, just with their voice, turned me inside out like Ian. “Nothing with me works without you, so just follow me home, all right? Don’t overthink, don’t be scared. Everything’s okay.”