He shakes his head. “Of course not. I’m just a bit busy at the moment.”
He’s so cool and detached, sort of aloof. I stare at him, not sure what to say.
“Did you need something?” he prompts me, his eyes glinting in the light.
“I…yeah,” I stammer. I thrust the sheet at him. “I just came to give this back to you. And to get my shorts.”
“Sure. Hang on.”
And I swear to God, he closes the door in my face. I’m still stunned when he re-emerges a few minutes later with my shorts.
“Here you go,” he hands them to me.
I stare at him, never more confused in my life.
“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”
His face seems to soften for a minute, then it smooths back into an unreadable mask. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m just busy. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok,” I say slowly. “I’ll just catch up with you later.” I turn to leave, but pause, turning half-way on the sidewalk.
“Hey, you never said who you were here in Astoria to visit,” I tell him slowly, watching his face for a reaction. “You said you were visiting someone in the hospital, but you never said who.”
He doesn’t miss a beat. He simply nods. “I didn’t, did I?”
And he doesn’t offer it now.
I wait, but there’s nothing. He just steps back inside his house.
“I’ll talk to you later, Calla.”
And then he closes the door.
I’m absolutely stunned as I stare at the wood, frozen on the path.
Everyone has secrets, Calla. That’s what he told me and I guess it’s truer than I realized. The question is, are his secrets important? Should I care about them? Because I’ve got so much to worry about already.
But his contradictions confuse me. His want and his detachment confuse me. His hot blood and cold attitude confuse me. Over the past week, he’s anchored me amid all of this crazy. Is it possible that he just doesn’t want to be that anchor anymore?
My chest feels numb with the thought, because somehow, I’ve come to depend on him already. I depend on him to make me smile, to lift me out of this mire into a world where hope survives.
But he just closed a door in my face and I can’t help but wonder if it was a metaphor for something bigger.
I try and put it out of my mind as I wait for Finn, then drive him into Group. All I can do right now is keep going through the motions, keep my head above water.
Dare doesn’t define me.
That’s going to have to become my new mantra.
I fall sleep with that thought in my head, with the very best of intensions. But I’m awakened at three a.m.
Piano music plays softly, filtering through the house.
Startled, I sit up in bed and look at the clock again.
Yes, it’s the middle of the night.
No, the piano shouldn’t be playing.