My Uncle Oswald - Page 33

'He has to be alone.'

'No problem,' I said. 'He's alone in the lab every evening between five-thirty and six-thirty. Then he goes home to his supper.'

'How am I going to feed it to him?' she asked. 'The powder?'

'In a chocolate,' I said. 'In a delicious little chocolate. It has to be small so that he'll pop the whole thing in his mouth in one go.'

'And where pray do we get delicious little chocolates these days?' she asked. 'You forget there's been a war on.'

'That's the whole point,' I said. 'A. R. Woresley won't have had a decent bit of chocolate since 1914. He'll gobble it up.'

'But do you have any?'

'Right here,' I said. 'Money can buy anything.' I opened a drawer and produced a box of chocolate truffles. Each was identical. Each was the size of a small marble. They were supplied to me by Prestat, the great chocolateers of Oxford Street, London. I took one of them and made a hole in it with a pin. I enlarged the hole a bit. I then used the head of the same pin to measure out one dose of Blister Beetle powder. I tipped this into the hole. I measured a second dose and tipped that in also.

'Hey!' Yasmin cried. 'That's two doses!'

'I know. I want to make absolutely sure Mr Woresley delivers.'

'It'll drive him round the twist.'

'He'll get over it.'

'What about me?'

'I think you can take care of yourself,' I said. I pressed the soft chocolate together to seal up the hole. I then stuck a matchstick into the chocolate. 'I'm giving you two chocolates,' I said. 'One for you and one for him. His is the one with the match in it.' I put the chocolates in a paper bag and passed them over. We discussed at some length the plan of battle.

'Will he become violent?' she asked.

'Just a tiny bit.'

'And where do I get that thing you were talking about?'

I produced the thing in question. She examined it to make sure it was in good condition, then put it in her handbag.

'All set?'

'Yes,' she said.

'Don't forget this one will be a dress rehearsal for all the others you'll be doing later on. So learn all you can.'

'I wish I knew judo,' she said.

'You'll be all right.'

I drove her back to Girton and saw her safely in through the gates of the college.

11

We now move forward to five-thirty in the afternoon of the following day. I myself was lying comfortably on the floor behind a row of wooden filing-cabinets in A. R. Woresley's laboratory. I had spent much of the day wandering casually in and out of the lab, reconnoitring the terrain and gradually easing the cabinets twenty inches away from the wall so that I could squeeze in behind them. I had also left a one inch gap between two of the cabinets so that by looking through it I was able to get an excellent view along the whole length of the lab. A. R. Woresley always worked at the far end of the room, about twenty feet from where I was stationed. He was there now. He was fooling about with a rack of test tubes and a pipette and some blue liquid. He was not wearing his usual white coat today. He was in shirtsleeves and a pair of grey flannels. There was a knock on the door.

'Come in!' he called out, not looking up.

Yasmin entered. I had not told her I was going to be watching. Why should I? But a general must always keep an eye on his troops during battle. My girl looked ravishing in a cotton print dress that fitted tightly around her superstructure, and as she came into the room there came with her that elusive aura of lust and lechery that followed her like a shadow wherever she went.

'Mr Woresley?'

'Yes, I'm Woresley,' he said, still not looking up. 'What do you want?'

Tags: Roald Dahl Humorous
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