I try to force my head that direction, but my brain hurts, and my vision is fuzzy. “I can’t see what that would look like.”
“Maybe they could spend school holidays on the boat with you,” Chloe says. “Maybe a month of the summer. And maybe you could sail or fly back here for visits. Between you coming here and him going there, you might be able to find something that works for all of you.”
A lightning strike of excitement burns down my spine. “I love the sound of that. I can’t believe it, but I do.”
“If you work it out so you’re not going too long between visits, you won’t have to worry about that intense sex drive of yours either. I mean, look at you, alive and well without sex for six whole months.”
“Smartass.”
“Point being, you won’t have to worry about that while you’re at sea.”
I try to envision myself stopping somewhere new, meeting men, and being friends but not having sex with them. I used to navigate that line with my work colleagues all the time. Yeah, that skill is definitely in my toolbox.
“You’ve given me a lot to think about. It’s hard for me to see Ben going for it, but he’s been surprising me since we met.”
“Just let the idea sit with you and try to focus on letting go of all the fears that come up. See what the universe brings you. It’s always—”
“As good or better,” we say at the same time.
The belief that the universe has even bigger, better things planned than anyone could imagine is one that has worked for me in the past—in my career, my friends, life opportunities. Maybe it’s even happened with Ben. He’s definitely more than I ever hoped for in a man. And Chloe’s idea is certainly one I would not have thought of myself.
I lean over and hug Chloe. “Thanks. You’re amazing, you know that?”
“Some days.” She hugs me back. “Others are still hard.”
“You must have really loved Bodhi,” I say. “His cheating has really thrown a wrench into your self-esteem.”
“I’m realizing it’s less about what Bodhi did and more about me—what I chose to see in him, what I allowed to slide. It’s so much easier to work on others’ problems than your own.” She grins and gestures with her wine. “So bring yours anytime. I’m always a ready cheerleader for you, girl.”
“Thanks.”
I leave Chloe’s houseboat with a lot to think about, but I realize a little hope has lifted my spirit. A long, hot shower helps too. I wrap a towel around me, flop belly down on my bed, and open my computer to troll the boat sales sites. I’ve been focused on getting something just big enough for me and an occasional guest, but if I’m going to entertain this new idea, I need to look into the possibility of a larger boat. One I can handle on my own, but with enough space for Ben and the girls. Also, one I can still afford.
I open another tab and pull up my Google calendar. And another with the girls’ schools’ calendars. I pop their vacation dates into my calendar starting fall next year, because I’ll be here at least through June. Longer if I can’t find the right boat.
There’s Labor Day, Columbus Day, then comes Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year. And, wow, I’m suddenly planning a year in advance. I’ve never done that before. I’ve never planned around a school calendar either. They’ve got way more holidays than I remember. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Presidents’ Day, then I’m already at spring break. Then Memorial Day, and poof, back to summer.
“Wow.” A wave of something light and giddy tickles my stomach. “We could see each other a lot more than I thought.”
I’m distracted, so I don’t hear Ben until he’s at the door.
“Kat?”
By the time I slam the cover of my laptop, he’s already inside. I bend my knees and swing my feet as I look over my shoulder, hoping to distract him from the stupidly guilty move.
He’s grinning as he enters the bedroom and curls his hand around my foot. He’s changed into jeans and a T-shirt. “I caught you wa
tching porn, didn’t I?”
That makes me laugh out loud. “You’re all the porn I need, Latham.”
Heat flashes in his eyes. “Am I?”
“Hell, yes.”
His hand slides over my calf, up the back of my thigh, and under the towel to squeeze my ass. Heat spills between my legs. “Wish I’d gotten here a few minutes sooner. Would have liked to shower with you.”
“Could have fooled me.” I try not to sound surly about it. “Haven’t heard one word since the last time. Beginning to think you didn’t have as much fun as I did.”