“He’s been in love with you forever, Dez. He was terrified tonight. If I was wrong, and you don’t feel the same about him, tell him,” she said, her face pinched. “But let him down easy. Because it’s going to break his heart.”
“This isn’t fair,” I said with mock laughter under my breath and a sharp pain in my chest, making it hard to breathe. “I had no idea. You s
hould have given me a clue long before now.”
“A clue?” Lana rolled her eyes. “Geez, Dez. Wake up. The boy’s been pining for you ever since middle school. He’s just Jace. He’s not good with emotions. It’s taken him this long to even admit to me and Nick what we already knew.” She paused a beat. “What you should’ve been able to see this whole time.”
I kicked the railing. “I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.
She wrapped her arms around me, cradling me to her side. “Whatever you decide, I’ll love you either way.” Then she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and went back inside.
I wanted to run right then. I wanted to fade away—disappear into the night. How could I have been so dense? No, it wasn’t all my fault. Jace had never said a word. But Lana was right. I should’ve been paying closer attention. I gritted my teeth.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t break his heart. Jace never opened up to anyone. How could I hurt one of my best friends? But I was with Reese. Reese, who was just like me. We fit together without any secrets between us. Would Jace feel the same about me if I told him I was half Narco?
For a moment, I thought about marching back into the club and telling him just that. It would be a way to remedy the situation without having to hurt him myself. I kicked the railing harder. But there was an even bigger issue. One I was avoiding. How did I truly feel about Jace?
Before Reese had come along, I’d fantasized about Jace and I being together. But I’d believed he’d never feel the same. Why was this happening now? My biggest problem used to be the Narcolym and having to keep my identity a secret. Now I was having boy problems? How did I go from possible war and fleeing for my life to dating issues? I shook my head.
I couldn’t decide how to handle it now. I needed time to sort it out. I’d already hurt Reese, and I’d probably end up hurting Jace. I just didn’t want to deal at that moment. Taking one last deep breath, I pushed through the club doors.
Jace sat at the bar, his head hung low. My heart thudded as I sat down next to him. “Hey.”
He peeked at me. “Hey.”
“Look,” I said, scooting closer to him. “I’m really confused. I think I should go home and chill for the night.” I averted my eyes from the hurt in his.
“Okay, that’s fair.” He sighed. “I didn’t mean to—”
“No, it’s not you. I just need some time.”
Jace nodded, his lips twisting into a sideways grin. “The ol’ ‘it’s not you it’s me bit,’ huh?”
“Jace,” I said under my breath. “Please.”
“You’re right. Totally not fair on my part.” He took my hand, turning it over and lacing his fingers through mine. “As much time as you need.” He looked into my eyes. “I’ll wait.”
My heart hammered against my chest painfully, and I gave him a weak smile. Why couldn’t he go back to being the brooding, pissed off Jace? It would have been easier if he was simply angry with me.
I told Nick and Lana that I was leaving. She hugged me, saying she’d see me Monday at the Academy. And not to forget to pack some hot clothes. I was thankful for her spirit. It was reassuring that she cared about me no matter my choice when it came to her brother.
I glanced around the lot one last time, hoping to glimpse Reese before climbing onto the back of Jace’s levibike. Jace started the engine, its hum vibrating deep into my aching chest.
My mind was numb as we hovered across Haven’s cobbled roadways. I knew Jace wanted me to say something, but I just couldn’t. As we pulled up to my walkway, Jace left the levibike idling. I sat motionless for a moment and then slid off the seat.
“I want you to know,” Jace said, looking down as his hands gripped the brass steering bar. “No matter what, I’ll always be there for you.” He glanced at me. “You can’t do or say anything to change that, Dez. I’ll always care about you.”
My legs almost gave out beneath me. I swallowed down my heart, which was beating violently in my throat. “I care about you, too, Jace. You’re my best friend.” His face hardened into a painful expression at friend. “But…just give me time. It’s sudden.”
He nodded, lowering his goggles over his eyes. “I’ll see you at the Academy, then.” He gave me a small smile before he hovered off.
I wanted to collapse right there on my walkway. But somehow, I managed to push through my front door and climb the stairs. I slouched against my bedroom door, my eyes burning as I fought back tears.
All day Sunday I spent packing with my mom. We boxed everything she thought I’d need at the Academy. If not for the pain in my heart, I would’ve enjoyed seeing her so carefree. She glowed. She was still nervous about me going to the Academy, but the pressing fear of discovery she’d carried with her for so long wasn’t weighing her down.
Although I knew she could tell something was wrong, as she kept studying my face, she didn’t press me. I felt if I didn’t talk about it, maybe things would go back to normal. But I didn’t know which normalcy I wanted. Normal before Jace had kissed me? Or normal before I’d met Reese? My life was better because of Reese. I owed him more than anything for what he’d taught me. But I’d known Jace forever. He’d protected me against bullies in elementary school. He’d been there through everything. Everything except the one moment I’d needed someone the most—the change.
But he couldn’t have been there for that. Not without me admitting who, what I was.