I think if Tyler and I would have gone on this trip, I might’ve wanted to stay longer than a day. Like the other stops on the trip, it’s such a sharp contrast to the island, but there’s still a small-town feel to it—just without the pretentiousness.
I’ve been walking for about ten minutes when the brick buildings begin to crowd closer together, and more people fill the walkways. I should be scared or intimidated to go off on my own. Especially after spending the past five months locked in my room, my only company my ghost boyfriend. But instead, I feel lighter than I have in months. Like I can do anything, go anywhere, and have no one to answer to.
That’s not true, though. And the heavy reminder that I have to return home to deal with a mom who’s a gossip, a dad who doesn’t want to be near me, and a shrink who wants me to forget Tyler weighs heavily on my conscience. Beating my reality back into place.
I wish Leah and I weren’t so distant. Not physically, but in every other way. Since I’ve blown her off during my grieving, we’ve grown apart. I don’t even know where she’d be right now. Don’t know what new things she’s into, or if she has a boyfriend. Or a new crowd of friends she’s hanging with.
If I still had her, I’d call and ask for advice. She doesn’t know the whole story, but maybe I’d suck it up and tell her. Just to get another perspective. Maybe I’m the one in the wrong, or maybe I’m not seeing anything clearly at all. I’d call my mother, but that thought sends lightning bolts to my head.
She’s a co-conspirator with the ass. Besides, I’m definitely not ready to fess up about what happened with Holden in high school. She might understand after she got past the fact that Holden was nearly four years older than me—considered an adult, and I was a minor. I’m pretty sure she’d be pissed at first, but then maybe she’d offer some clarity.
Slogging toward a bench, I find an empty seat away from the crowds to just sit and watch. Let my mind process. I need to process. And being around Holden? There’s no rational thought there. I just need someone . . . My chest tightens as I realize who I need.
My best friend.
Tyler was always there. Could fix anything.
What happened in the pool comes crashing back with a fury. I’ve been so angry with Holden, I haven’t even had time to process that yet. I didn’t lie to him—I truly believe that Tyler wouldn’t hurt me. Not on purpose, anyway. But I can’t help the chill that skitters down my spine as I remember that growing blackness, its tendrils reaching out to me as Tyler vanished.
He’ll come back.
I shudder, and with a warm breath sucked into my lungs, I try to center myself.
Was it real?
I feel my brow furrow. Of course it was real. I saw it. I felt those wispy claws grab me.
Weren’t you feeling guilty over your feelings for Holden, though?
What the hell? Is my own subconscious debating me?
Annoyed and insulted at my own damn self, I shake off my unease. Then like a prayer being answered, I remember a number I’ve never dialed. A person I didn’t think I’d ever call. But someone who’s not biased to either me or Holden. Biker Melody.
She programed her number into my phone at the bar, insisting I call her on the road. She was drunk at the time, and skeeted up, and possibly entered the wrong number. But what do I have to lose?
At this point, the fierce biker girl is the only friend I have. Which is sad. I’ve lived on the island my whole life, and in just under half a year, I’ve pushed everyone important to me away. Even Dr. Hartman is closer to a pal than any of the girls I grew up wit
h.
Digging into my bag, I pull out my iPhone and scroll through the contacts. A picture of a girl with her mouth open in a mock tough expression pops up. I smile at the image and tap the number.
It rings a few times, and I think she’s not picking up, or it’s the wrong number, when her raspy voice answers. “Yeah?”
I can’t help but smile at her curt greeting. “Hey, it’s Sam. The girl at the . . . bar in Talladega?” I stop myself from saying “biker bar.” That’s probably somewhat offensive to actual bikers.
“I know,” she says. “I saw your pic on my phone. What’s up? You and lover boy made it to Wichita yet?”
A hazy memory of me drunkenly talking about the trip with her comes back to me. “No, not yet. Springfield, actually.”
She groans. “Oh, man. That place is so lame. You should totally hotfoot it to Wichita. There’s this show tomorrow. Oh!” The phone crackles with her high-pitched squeal. “Dude, you’d love this band. It’s an all-chick group and they rock. Like, none of that girly shit. Like hardcore, kick ass. If you make it up here tomorrow, we could hang.”
“You’re there already?” I knew her and her biker peeps were on their own road trip. Well, I guess it’s not the same as us, since they’re always on the road. Bikers and all. But I’m surprised to hear she’s there. I don’t remember her mentioning it. But then again, I was pretty wasted.
“Not yet,” she says. “We will be tomorrow, though. And you totally should be, too.” I can hear the hopeful smile in her voice. And suddenly, I want to go to whatever show she’s talking about.
“You know what? It’s on. We’ll be there. Can you send me directions to this place?”
“I can do better. I’ll send you the website with all the info. Hey, Dar!” The receiver picks up her shuffling movements. “Baby girl Sam is going to the show!” An excited cheer reaches my ear through the phone, and I smile. I really do like these girls.