I sigh unnecessarily and place my mug on the counter, inhaling deeply and praying for strength to get through this. When I twist back around, she’s gripping the counter for support.
“Listen, Grace, the timing on this sucks, but I’ve been thinking about this for a few days. I think we need to take a step back, breathe a little. Slow things down.”
Lie #2
She visibly pales, blinking rapidly. “Slow things down. Three weeks ago, you asked me to move in with you. I argued, and you wouldn’t take no for an answer. We took this relationship at lightning speed, and now you want to slow things down.”
“Yeah, and I see how smart you were to make us both think about that moving in thing. Once I realized what I was asking, it became clear I’m not ready.”
Lie #3
“You’re not ready? What changed your mind?”
“Let’s not do this, Grace. Let’s not make it ugly. We’ve had a great few months. Let’s take some time and see what happens.”
“What’s going on, Nick? Is this because I didn’t tell you about the acceptance? Are you punishing me?”
“That’s not my style. This is not a punishment. But now that you mention it, when I found out you kept it from me, I was surprised. We’d fallen into a routine where we shared everything. Then I let it go because it was proof we still have a lot to learn about one another.”
“I see, so you want to take some more time to get to know each other?”
“I think it’s smart.”
Lie #4
“And you’ve been thinking about this since last week. Is that why you’ve been distant, closed off?”
“I’ll admit introducing our families put me on edge.”
Lie #5
“On edge? You’re the one who insisted we do it.”
“I know, and for that, I apologize. My decisions have been a little off lately.”
All the color now drains from her face, and she starts to shake. My beautiful Grace stands in front of me, her lips quivering. A lump forms in my throat, threatening to choke me.
“Are we breaking up?” Her voice cracks on th
e last word, sending me deeper into my own hell.
“If you choose to put a label on it, then yeah.”
“This nightmare keeps getting worse. First Logan, now you.”
I involuntary cringe at being put in the same category as him, even knowing it’s where I belong. She notices, her eyes piercing into mine. I mentally force myself to remain stoic, giving her my best blank expression.
“Tell me, Nick, and be completely honest. Are you doing this to push me away, trying to turn into an asshole so I’ll change my mind? Did Logan put you up to this?”
Yes!
I press myself deeper into the counter until I feel a touch of pain. It’s the only way I can keep focused on finishing this farce.
“Like I said, the timing sucks. I’ve been thinking about this before Logan called. My opinion is you should contact that group and see if they’ll still take you, but you do what you want. It’s your decision and doesn’t affect me. I want you in my life, Grace. Taking a step back doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. Who knows what will happen in the future?”
Lies! Lies! Lies! Everything out of my mouth is a lie. I do know what’s going to happen in the future. I’m going to chase you down and crawl on my knees for forgiveness. Then I’m going to marry you and love you for the rest of our lives.
“Why are you here then? Why did you slip into my bed in the middle of the night if you wanted space? Seems like a shitty way to show it.”