“I don’t think that’s greedy. It’s sweet. It may take some time to work out the kinks, but I’ll talk to Evie tonight. Give her a heads up.”
“It’s that easy?”
“Sure, I’m not saying it’ll happen overnight, but we’re fully staffed with PRNs that are looking for more hours.”
“Could you do that PRN thing?”
I slap his chest lightly and shake my head. “No! I love my job, and besides, I’m pretty sure my salary would drop immensely.”
“You won’t need as much money when you move in. I’ll take care of everything.” He speaks so casually, I blink a few times to make sure I heard him correctly.
“You will not!” I scramble up into a sitting position. He moves up against the headboard and crosses his arms, giving me a blank stare.
“Why not?”
“Are you serious about this? Because if so, we’ve skipped over a very important conversation. I thought that was a given.”
“But why, if I can take care of it? I make a shitload of money, Bizzy—”
“Stop right there. Your money is inconsequential to me. I like my independence. Giving up my apartment is one thing, but giving up my job is not an option.”
“Is that what you think I’m saying? I didn’t mean it like that.”
“That’s what it sounded like. My job is very important to me… it’s more than a job. I have a sense of accomplishment when I walk through those halls. Those kids are so much more than patients. We’re all a family, and I’ve gained respect and acceptance from my co-workers that’s irreplaceable.”
“Of course you have, that shouldn’t even be a factor.”
I drop my eyes and twist the sheets in my hands, trying to find a way to tell him exactly why this means so much. It’s been a long time since I’ve dug up the feelings of the rejected and humiliated teenager who craved approval from anyone because my self-esteem was annihilated. The bad memories swarm in my mind, bringing anxiety with them.
“I had a really rough time in high school, Shaw. People made my life a living hell, and that bled into college as well. It wasn’t the cancer. It was the cruelty of people who hated me. It took a really long time for me to find myself and a place where I was comfortable in my life. My job is one of those places. Believe it or not, it’s a sanctuary for me. A place I know I’m making a difference, and no one can deny that. I have friends at work, and not only Claire and Evie. I have a true group of people who come together and care about each other.”
When I raise my head, his face is white, and his eyes are stormy, boring into me. When he speaks, a chill runs up my spine.
“What happened to you, Lizbeth?”
“It was a long time ago, and I don’t like to relive the past. Let’s say I faced an awful hell in a time that shaped my life. I overcame it thanks to the love and support of my friends and family, and I’ll never go back to that place again. And if I can bring a smile or a laugh to a child’s face who may be going through the same thing, it justifies the years of pain.”
“My intent is not to carry you back to a dark place, but I want to know exactly what happened to hurt you so I can erase those memories.”
“You do, Shaw. Every minute we’re together is more than I could have ever imagined. But those wounds are healed and I’ve moved on, never to revisit again. Please don’t ask me to.”
“Come here.” He extends his arms and I crawl into them. He positions me on top of him, tugging the sheet down so our naked bodies are pressed together.
“I’m sorry, it’s an overwhelming need to be with you all the time. I’d bring you to work with me just to have you close. Everything is perfect when we’re together. I’m not trying to eliminate your independence. I’m only trying to figure out a way for us to be together more.”
There’s desperation in his voice I’ve never heard before. I search his face and notice the uncertainty in his eyes. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever seen any kind of weakness in him.
It scares the shit out of me.
“You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”
He doesn’t hesitate, nodding a little too quickly. That uneasy feeling returns, but my inner voice says not to push too hard. I lean in and frame his face with my hands. “I’ll talk to Evie. Let’s start with adjusting my schedule. That will help with us being together more.”
“Thank you.” He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine.
“And, Shaw? I love that you want to take care of me, but we’re in this together. Which means, I take care of you, too. So if you need more from me, ask.”
His eyes fly open, the uncertainty gone, replaced with what I recognize as hunger and lust. He moves fast, twisting us so I’m on my back, and he’s hovering over me with a look of complete possessiveness. He’s hard again, brushing against my wetness, teasing me with short strokes.