Grabbing a bag of peas, she pulled a paper towel from the roll nearby and covered the bag. She lifted the wrap to his face and gently covered the ugly cut.
Tate winced, but laid a gentle hand over hers. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No, that’s not how that conversation started. Quinn asked how you felt about me leaving, and I told her we were going to keep seeing each other.” When he didn’t respond, she pulled her hand from the cold press and rubbed it along the jeans over her thigh. “I hate to admit it, but she has some valid points. Things I didn’t think about.”
“Like what?”
She pushed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “Was what she said true? Do you want kids? Is having me in Paris going to fuck with your concentration?” Her stomach hurt. “I feel like a selfish bitch for not considering—”
He pressed his fingers to her lips, then set the peas on the counter and wrapped his other arm around her, pulling her close. He was hurting, she could see the dull haze of pain in his eyes.
“Baby, have you taken any pain meds?” she asked. “I’ve got ibuprophen. It will help with the swelling.”
“If you were selfish,” he told her, ignoring her question about his pain, “you wouldn’t be here right now, and you certainly wouldn’t be spending all this time and effort on my dinner. If you were selfish, you wouldn’t care what happens to your family’s company. If you were selfish, you wouldn’t make these trips home to see them when they’ve never made an effort to do the same for you.” He moved his fingers and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “If you were selfish, the questions Quinn just raised wouldn’t bother you.”
She leaned into him, picked up the bag and pressed it to the cut again. “Keep this on or you’re going to swell, and those stitches are going to hurt like a mother.”
A little smile tilted his lips. “Sounds like you’ve been here before.”
“I play with knives for a living.”
Without warning, he cupped the back of her neck and kissed her. The force of it pushed a surprised sound from her throat. Then his lips parted and his tongue slid along hers. All her stress melted, she sighed and opened to him. He tried to do the same but made a sound of discomfort and pulled back.
“Sorry,” he said, wincing. “The numbing’s wearing off.”
“What happened?”
“Just one of those things. One of the kids ate it at practice. His momentum carried him into me and I got the end of a stick.”
“Ouch.”
“It’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
They fell silent a minute and their previous conversation flooded in. She repeated the question he never answered. “Is what Quinn said true?”
“Not about why I slept with you. I’ve been divorced for a year, over it almost before the final came through. I’ve had the opportunity to sleep with women since. I haven’t because no one has interested me enough to make the jump. So, no, I didn’t sleep with you to because I was getting over a divorce.”
That part didn’t concern Olivia in the least. People sought out sex for hundreds of different reasons. The only thing that mattered to her was that once they’d met, they’d forged something beyond a sexual attraction. “What about the rest?”
He exhaled, planted his back against the cupboards and braced his feet, pulling her into the vee of his legs. “Do I want kids? Yeah, I do. When I want them depends entirely on who I’m having them with and what our relationship is like. I like the whole original divine order to family — dating, marriage, kids. Is that model perfect? No. Is anything perfect? I haven’t found one thing yet. But I know, now more than ever, that I want to be one hundred percent solid with a woman before kids enter the picture. The divorce made that non-negotiable for me. Because if I had a child with Lisa, our lives would be a constant battle. I grew up without a dad for twelve years. I watched Mia grow up without ever connecting with hers. So that’s one of my hard and fast values.”
Olivia nodded and slid her arms around his waist. “I like that. Your love of family is one of the many things I admire about you. Along with your drive to be the best at what you do. It’s one value of many that I think we share. I know how important your career is to you, and I don’t want to interfere with that.”
“That’s my job. That’s not something you can control. I’ve been playing hockey for over two decades. Focus is part of the muscle memory that kicks in as soon as my blades touch the ice. I’ve dated and broken up with women during that time, including marrying and divorcing Lisa. If anything, it made my game better, because I poured everything I had—all my frustration, all my anger, all my hate—into the game.”
She sighed, but only felt marginally better.
“What about you?” he asked. “How will having a long distance relationship create stress in your life?”
She tipped her head and thought about it. Slipping her fingers under the edge of his tee, she stroked his warm skin. “I’ll miss you. I’ve never missed anyone before. Except my dad. That will make me sad, but I’ll keep busy with school and work. I might be more stressed about money, because I’ll be trying to save to come back when I can get a break.”
“I’ve been thinking about that. We can talk about it Sunday, after the dinner. What about men, Liv?” A flicker of a shadow passed through his dark eyes. “Your casual relationships have been a big part of your life.”
She sputtered a laugh. “You make it sound like I sleep with a new guy every night.”
“If you’re missing me, stressed and lonely, it wouldn’t be out of left field for you to find comfort where you are.”
This talk was causing turbulent emotions. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’ve never done this before. If I wanted to keep sleeping with you and other men, I’d tell you to look me up when you’re passing through. That’s not what I’m doing, Tate. I’m putting all my trust in you. Emotionally, this is like a cliff edge for me.”