“I never had a good reason to tell anyone until now. I don’t see why you should ruin your marriage and hurt your daughter just because you ne
ed to confess. You told me. You don’t have to tell anyone else.”
“I’m not sure that will work for me.”
“Well, you don’t have to do anything today, do you?” Kathleen said firmly. “Or tomorrow, for that matter. Wait awhile. Let things settle down.”
“Were you in love with him?”
“With Stan? I’m not sure.” Kathleen looked down at her hands in the sand. “He was exciting to be with. He made me feel smart. And at that moment in my life, I was sort of lost. Buddy was having a tough time in the store, but he wasn’t talking to me about it. I was exhausted, taking care of Hal and Danny, who still wasn’t sleeping through the night.
“And then my mother-in-law decided that I should get out of the house a few afternoons a week, so she watched the boys. I’m sure Mae thought of it as a gift, but I was completely at loose ends. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I volunteered at the school library just to have somewhere to go, and that’s where I met Stan.
“He turned my head. What an old-fashioned thing to say, but that was it. I was flattered. I was . . . infatuated.
“He was totally different from Buddy,” Kathleen said, glancing up to meet Joyce’s unswerving, sympathetic gaze. “Buddy was never much of a reader, and also” — Kathleen cleared her throat — “well, Buddy was the only man I’d ever been with before.
“But I think I always knew that I wouldn’t leave Buddy. From the very start, even. I didn’t trust Stan the way I trusted Buddy. Stan was cheating on his wife, wasn’t he?”
Joyce shook her head sadly.
“I ended it. I couldn’t stand the sneaking around.”
“And you never told Buddy?”
“I almost told him a thousand times. For weeks afterward, months, but it didn’t make sense to me. Why hurt him like that? I made an awful mistake, but then I put a stop to it. It was over.”
“You never told your sister?”
“Heavens, no” Kathleen shook her head. “Her good opinion meant too much to me. And besides, how could she possibly understand? She was a nun.”
“How does it feel now? To have told someone.”
“Not as bad as I thought it would. Besides, it worked, didn’t it? You’re not going to tell Frank right away, are you?”
“I don’t have to do anything today. Isn’t that what you said?”
“Or tomorrow.”
“But I can tell you, right?” Joyce said. “I met him at Halibut Point, at dawn.”
“Oh, dear. Just like I told you.”
“Now that I think about it, he was probably there signaling to a drug boat or something.
“We never actually, uh, did it, you know, consummated. He wouldn’t or maybe he couldn’t. Maybe because of the drugs. I mean, he never took off his pants. It drove me crazy, but now I’m grateful. I guess I was lucky.”
Joyce pulled up her knees and wrapped her arms around them, making herself as small as she could. “I was going to end it today. I know that sounds like a lie. I should have done it over the phone, but when he called, I just wanted to say good-bye in person. Or maybe I was kidding myself. I would have probably jumped in bed with him again. I don’t know.
“I’ve been such a rotten wife. Frank came up, finally. It’s been weeks and weeks since he was here, you know? He came to tell me that he’s totally miserable at work. He’s hated his job for years, and I hardly noticed. Why didn’t he tell me? And then he apologizes for losing his job.” Joyce groaned. “Meanwhile, I’m cheating on him. Poor Frank.”
Kathleen sighed. “I think he left you in the lurch this summer. And now it also sounds like he needs your support, a lot.”
“I know,” Joyce said. They sat quietly. “But, Kathleen?”
“Yes, dear?”
“I need a bathroom. And there are way too many people around here for us to have another peeing contest.”