Kira sighed and rolled closer to me. “Don’t stress out. You always work yourself up, and that’s when your brain starts spinning and you start thinking you’re not good enough or you’re gonna mess up. Sex should be fun, and it will be. Also, Will’s crushin’ like hell on you. He wants to stick his penis in you—or let yours in him. Hey, do you think you’ll be a top or a bottom?”
Now my cheeks were heating. “I’m not telling you that.” I did have my ideas of what I’d want, though. “You think he likes me?”
“You can’t see it?” Ali countered. “He does, and maybe that’s why he’s holding out. Maybe he wants it to be special because he knows it’s your first time. Maybe he’s nervous too because he’s never had sex with someone he truly likes? Maybe he’s afraid that once you do it, you won’t have a reason to keep this going with him anymore.”
A laugh jumped out of my mouth. “Girl, you’re crazy. How can he think that?”
“I agree with Ali,” Kira said.
“That’s because you guys are in love now. See, you’re already ganging up on me!” I said it dramatically so they would know I was teasing. It had come as a shock, but I did want them to be happy.
“You know, you can always just talk to Will about it. He’s a great guy,” Ali said.
“Or even Elijah, if you’re looking for another guy to talk with. As much as I love you, you need more than just me or us, Jay. It’s good that you’re hanging out with other queer guys now too.”
I nodded. I heard what she was saying. Because it was always easier, my whole world had basically been family, school, Kira—then Kira and Ali. “You’re right. I know you are. Maybe…maybe I’ll talk to him after we go out for your birthday. I still can’t believe you’re making me go to a bar.”
When we went to bars, Kira always tried to get me to dance. I hated dancing. I always felt like people were watching and secretly judging me.
“Yes, but you love me, so you’ll go.”
“You’re all right,” I said playfully. My thoughts were starting to wander, though. I was thinking about sex and Will and wondering if he could possibly like me the way they thought. Because I liked him, so, so much. He couldn’t. It didn’t make any sense. He was a nice guy. We’d become friends. End of discussion.
All I knew was, Will meant something to me. He meant a lot to me. I wanted him to be my first, and I maybe wished this could last…but I knew it never could.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Will
As Jameson and I sat in the back seat while a car service took us to the bar, it struck me how long it had been since I’d gone out. I couldn’t remember the last time. It had been before the auction where I met Jameson, that was for sure.
I chuckled at the thought.
“What?” he asked from beside me. He was slightly restless, and I could tell he wished Kira had wanted to do anything other than go to a bar tonight, but he was going because that’s who he was. I didn’t think there was anything Jameson wouldn’t do for Kira.
My gaze darted to the front to make sure the driver wasn’t listening to us. I didn’t want to embarrass Jameson. “Nothing, really. Just thinking about how we met.”
“Oh God. That shit is still so embarrassing. I can’t believe I let Kira and Ali talk me into it.”
Taking a chance, I reached over and interlaced our fingers. “Well, you’ve possibly rewired my brain because I’m super sweet and mushy now, but I’m glad you did.”
Jameson glanced over at me and grinned. “I’m glad too,” he replied softly.
“Good. I was also thinking about how it’ll be fun to go out tonight. Shaw and I used to be at the bars every weekend. That slowed down when he got with Elijah, but I haven’t been in forever.”
“You don’t have to stay in because of me. I don’t want to hold you back. If you want to go out, you should. I didn’t realize—”
“Shit. No. That’s not what I meant. I like hanging out with you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t, so no worries there. I was just thinking about how I was surprised I didn’t miss going out, because I haven’t. I’m a little busy with this super cute guy. Maybe you know him.” I winked, and he bit his lip in this sexy-ass way that made my dick perk up. “And tonight will be fun to go out with you. I just hope you enjoy it too. That’s my mission for tonight, ya know? To make you spend the whole night laughing.” God, I was so fucking into this guy. Listen to me. This was the shit I’d made fun of Shaw for, and now I was the one being all…shmoopy. I didn’t know a better word for it than that.