But then, I wasn’t truly dating Jameson, was I? Maybe I felt a little confused sometimes, but all we’d agreed on was a fling, and it was supposed to be over at the end of the summer. In the meantime, though, could my working for his dad hurt my professor? I couldn’t live with that.
Jameson pulled farther away, leaning against the back of the couch. “I don’t think this is a good idea. We shouldn’t keep doing this.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if I can.”
The dull ache in my chest multiplied like a disease, spreading through me. The truth was, I didn’t know if I could do it either, but I wanted to. Christ, I wanted to. “But it’s just a fling, right? Your family doesn’t have to know.” Was it me, or did he flinch? “I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine. That’s not the point, though. You know how things are with me and my dad. Things are already awkward, and I have insecurities about not being who he thought I would be or following in his footsteps. It was safe with you, but then…seeing you with him tonight? The way he beamed at you, his pride in your work… As much as he loves me, I don’t know if he’s ever looked at me like that. It…hurts, that it’s you. And maybe that’s not fair, and maybe it makes me weak, but I can’t help how I feel.”
The ache was now a piercing pain. I rubbed my chest as if that could make it go away. As much as I hated it, I understood what Jameson was saying, how he felt. I imagined if my dad were still alive, if Jameson were there laughing and connecting with my brothers in a way I never could, or working with my father, it would make me feel broken too.
“And honestly, it’s better for you too. I don’t know how my dad would feel if he found out. He knew about that guy who used me, and he lost it. Then what happens when our fling is over? It’s not like we’d tell them it’s a fling, and then it ends and you still see my dad every day? He’d feel guilty keeping you on, I think, because of me, and I can’t do that to you. I can’t be the reason things get screwed up for you at Crane Entertainment.”
God, I hated that he was right, that he was so smart and put together and responsible. I wanted us to throw caution to the wind and keep doing this thing in secret before we walked away.
“But we’re not done with the lessons, Professor.” I tried to smile, tried to keep this going, keep us going.
“You do realize that nickname makes no sense? In this relationship, you would be the professor.”
“You’re still my professor to me.”
Jameson smiled at me sadly, before leaning in. He rested his forehead against mine, and we breathed each other’s air, and I felt… God, why did I feel so twisted up inside? Why did I feel like I was breaking? There was something wrong with me. What in the hell was wrong with me?
Jameson tilted his head slightly, until his lips touched mine, and for the second time, all my good sense left me and everything else washed away.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jameson
Need rumbled through me, starting out as a soft ache before growing into an overwhelming inferno. It was crazy. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind about that, but I knew I couldn’t walk away without one more experience with Will. If I was going to lose this, lose him, I had to know, at the very least, what it felt like to have him in my mouth one time. To bring him pleasure and make him wild so it would be my last memory of us. So I’d remember his face and the sounds he made when he came because of something I was doing to him.
It took everything inside of me to quiet the doubt in my head, to stifle it until it was just a low mumble of words I couldn’t make out. Later, I’d think about it. I’d scold myself about the stupidity of it and wonder if I was good or not, but right now? Right now, I just wanted him.
I licked at Will’s lips in a silent plea.
“What are you—”
“Please,” I cut him off, pressing my lips to his. “I just…” I was ridiculous. I wanted to blow him, and I couldn’t say it? The voice was getting louder again, telling me that he wouldn’t want it, that if he had, he wouldn’t have waited so long anyway. Again, I tried to quiet it. I slid down to the floor, on my knees, and rubbed a hand over his groin. “I want to suck you,” I finally managed to say. “Unless you don’t want—”