“I know you have. I know that better than anybody, don’t you think?” I take her hand and squeeze it. “But sometimes that grates on people. You can’t always be the punching bag so others miss the hits, and that’s what you were.”
Ivy has nothing to say to that.
I decide to prod. “Do you want a relationship with him?”
“Like I said, I want to know he’s okay. I need to know because…”
I wait for her to finish, the seconds ticking by and her mouth parting and closing with no words escaping the fullness of them. “Chaos?”
Her eyelids pinch together as she withdraws her hand. “Please stop calling me that.” The pain in her tone makes me study her even closer, her eye twitching and lips weighing heavily at the corners. “I need to know he’s okay because I’m not, and one of us should be.”
When her voice cracks, I swallow back the urge to clock everyone in their fucking faces who made her feel that one.
Ivy is a living, breathing oxymoron.
Chaotic and selfless.
She puts her guard back up and looks at the door leading outside, her next move obvious as she takes a step away from me.
I do nothing to stop her with every inch she puts between us. “I’m not Chaos,” is all she leaves me with, her face and tone void of any shred of emotion.
When she leaves, I don’t follow no matter how bad I want to. I give her the control she pleaded for and wait until the door closes behind her before sitting down on the couch.
I think about Chet Wilkins and drop my face into my hands with a heavy sigh. “What the fuck am I doing?”
Chapter Nineteen
Ivy
It’s been over a week of avoiding Aiden at the house, and he’s made it too easy. Every night I fall asleep on the couch hoping he’ll get the hint, and every morning I wake up in his bed. The difference is that he’s never with me—his body heat void from the sheets, leaving me with cold cotton when I open my eyes and turn to his empty side of the mattress.
When I creep out of his bedroom this morning, I find his body draped uncomfortably across the cushions of the small couch. I’m halfway out of the room when I double back with a drop of my head to cover him with a blanket. He doesn’t have anywhere to be on Sundays unlike me, so he should sleep in as long as he can.
He disappeared for a few days with Caleb and DJ, and the only text I got from him about it was be back soon. And while I didn’t deserve any further explanation, the guys remaining upstairs knew I was anxious when they’d come down hesitantly to ask if I wanted to hang out and watch TV or join them for dinner when they ordered delivery. Aiden must have asked them to make me feel included.
Three days of no Aiden should have been a relief—a break from his concern over what I admitted, yet I was out of my mind wondering if I’d finally chased him away like I tried doing from the start.
I barely get to the stairs when I hear a gruff “thank you” coming from the couch. Glancing over my shoulder, I see Aiden’s arm still draped over his eyes and his body in the same contorted position as before.
Swallowing, I whisper, “Go back to sleep.”
There’s a humming noise coming from the big brute as I go up the main set of stairs. When I walk into the kitchen, Caleb and Raine are sitting at the table and DJ is putting together food at the counter.
“Good morning,” Raine greets first, smiling up from the plate of eggs in front of her.
DJ turns to me, arms open. “Morning. How about a hug to start the day?”
Caleb throws something at his teammate and DJ smacks it away right before it hits his chest. “Knock it off, bro.”
“I’m just being a good roommate.”
I grab my favorite Starbucks drink from the fridge, which magically started appearing shortly after I moved in. “Do you hug all your roommates?”
Raine giggles. “That’d be interesting.”
DJ looks offended. “I happen to give damn good hugs. The guys would be lucky to receive one.”
“To receive, huh?” Caleb glances at the blond whose cheeks tint at the insinuation his teammate makes. “Didn’t know you were so generous, Danny Boy.”