Lots of couples adopted children. This was different. Even if he could forgive her for the huge mistake she had made, surely he would want to father his own son or daughter.
What if she got pregnant again and it was as bad as this time? The thought of facing another nine months of misery was too wretched to contemplate. And four children? Simone didn’t even know how to mother one or two or three, much less four.
The only thing left was hot sex with no strings attached. Even that would come to an end when she got embarrassingly huge.
With tears stinging her eyes, she met him in the middle of the mattress. “I’m not a very nice person,” she whispered. “I should leave you alone.”
He ran a hand down her flank, raising gooseflesh everywhere he touched. “I’m a big boy,” he said. “I can handle it.”
Ten
She reached for him in the dark, finding his erection and wrapping her hand around it. Hutch shuddered. She stroked him firmly, remembering instinctively what he liked. In the space of a hushed breath, the years melted away and the two of them were the same young, wildly infatuated couple they had once been.
Her body wasn’t cooperating. She felt weak and barely able to move. Still, she wanted Hutch desperately. With the empathy that marked everything he did, he held her close and winnowed his fingers though her hair. “You’re not up to this, Simone. Admit it.”
His body was warm and hard and masculine against hers. The light fuzz of hair on his broad chest tickled her breasts and reminded her that he was a man in his prime. The stark contrast of tough male to soft female sent a shiver of delight down her spine. Having him wrap his muscular arms around her in a firm hug made her feel secure and cherished. He was right. She didn’t have the energy for sex. Yet everything she knew told her to bind Hutch any way she could. She didn’t want to lose him again. And she didn’t want only his tender care. She wanted his love.
Dear God. The truth left her breathless. She still loved Troy Hutchinson. Illogically. Inescapably. Which meant she was destined for even greater heartbreak than before. The yawning hole in her chest was terrifying. She couldn’t survive a second time. Especially not with babies in the mix.
As she lay there trembling, her change in mood must have alerted Hutch that something was wrong. He eased her onto her back and reclined on one elbow. Placing his hand, palm flat, on her stomach, he sighed. “Talk to me, honey. I’m not a mind reader.”
“I shouldn’t have gotten pregnant.” She wanted to tell him the truth. She wanted to tell him why. But she was afraid he would look at her in disgust and disappointment.
“Your timing could have been better, that’s true. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to become a mother.”
Except that Simone had taken something so sacred and wonderful and used it for her own ends. “Are you still in love with Bethany?” She blurted it out, her pain and confusion erasing all sense of boundaries.
Hutch went still. He removed his hand. “Bethany has nothing to do with you and me,” he said, the words flat.
“You didn’t answer my question, Hutch.” Why was she torturing herself? “Do you still love her?”
She heard him curse beneath his breath. His reaction was so out of character it shocked her.
“I will always love Bethany,” he said. “She was selfless and pure in her devotion to the hurt and needy. She gave her life doing the things she considered essential for the good of humanity. She made me a better doctor...a better man. So, yes, Simone. I love Bethany. But she’s gone, and I’m still here. If that’s a problem, tell me now.”
Her throat was so tight she could barely breathe, much less speak. Why had she wanted so badly to know the truth? Now she would never be able to forget what he’d said.
She touched his arm. “I’m sorry. You’re right. She has nothing to do with us.” Moving carefully, she climbed on top of him and buried her face in the curve of his neck. He was still hard and ready.
Hutch didn’t need any further invitation. He lifted her hips and joined their bodies with a firm thrust. She cried out, the small sound muffled against his shoulder. He made love to her with such tenderness she wanted to weep. He was a doctor, yes. So he had taken an oath to do no harm. But this was more than that. He was coaxing her into trusting him, one heartbeat at a time.
What he couldn’t know was that she would trust him with her life...and the lives of her babies. That wasn’t the issue at all. The problem was the way she had let herself get twisted in knots over her grandfather’s will and her feelings of not being able to measure up to her family’s expectations.
It was too late now.
Hutch was hot, his taut body damp. He held her hips in a grip that might
bruise, though she didn’t think he realized it. “Are you okay?” He ground out the words between clenched teeth.
She cupped his cheek with her hand, feeling the stubble on his face and chin. “I’m glad you came home, Hutch. I missed you.” It wasn’t an answer to his question. She wasn’t okay...not at all. How could she tell him that she had been missing a part of herself for five long years?
At twenty-two, twenty-three, she hadn’t understood how rare it was to find someone like Hutch. It shamed her to realize that if the situation arose now, she would beg him not to leave. In her youthful naïveté, she had assumed one of two things—either Hutch would come home after two and a half years and they would pick up where they left off, or she would eventually find someone else to love.
Neither scenario had been the case.
He rolled suddenly, taking her with him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and twined her arms around his neck. Hutch was wild now, his thrusts uncontrolled, his passion barely in check.
“Simone... Ah, hell...” He came with a groan that sounded more like pain than pleasure.