Her smile was wicked. “Not tonight.”
With shaking hands, he covered her all the way to the chin. “Go to sleep, Simone. I have some work to do, but I’ll be in later. I’ll take the other side of the bed.”
“Will you be here when I wake up?” Her eyes had darkened, and for a moment, the impertinent facade slipped and he saw loneliness.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly.
He pulled on the clean boxers and pants without the shirt. The house had cooled down some, but not enough. Or maybe he was the one who was overheated.
Firing up his laptop and dealing with a backlog of email occupied him for an hour. Simone had an exercise bike in the guest room, so he did ten miles there. After that, he prowled, trying to convince himself he could lie in that bed with Simone and not go stark, raving mad.
During the course of the evening he had managed to get his erection under control for brief periods of time. Still, every moment he allowed his attention to wander, his libido took over, telling him how damn good it would feel to be intimate with Simone again.
His head was messed up, no doubt about it. First, there was the ghost of Bethany. The guilt he felt about her death might be illogical, but it lingered. Then there was Simone’s unorthodox pregnancy. She was hiding something.
There were any number of men in Royal who would have been happy to provide sperm the old-fashioned way. What reason had been compelling enough to send Simone down this path?
He prayed unashamedly for her three babies. If she lost any or all of them, it would destroy him. Even more harrowing was the prospect of losing Simone. Women still died in childbirth occasionally. It was rare, but it happened. She wasn’t his to lose, but he was the one in her court for the moment.
Finally, at eleven, he decided he was tired enough to go to sleep, no matter the provocation. He moved through the house checking locks and turning off the lights. By now, he knew his way around the master bedroom. He brushed his teeth with the toothbrush from last time. Leaning his hands on the counter, he gave himself a pep talk.
“Don’t be stupid, Hutch. She doesn’t need any added stress, and you don’t need the drama. She broke up with you the last time. Now she’s in an even worse place to have a relationship with you. Get over it. Move on.”
It was a good speech. Maybe even a great one. Despite that, when he stood beside the bed and studied the small lump under the covers, he rubbed his chest, trying to ease the ache there.
He’d always assumed he’d have a family one day, though not like this. Even if Simone had any residual feelings for him, he would have to wonder if she needed a father for her babies more than she needed a lover. It was a sobering thought.
Thankfully, he did sleep. And on his own side of the bed.
Once, toward dawn, he roused when Simone got up to go to the bathroom. He could see the outline of her nude body. “You okay?” he asked groggily.
“Yes.”
She wasn’t gone long. When she climbed back in bed, he could hear her breathing. “Hutch?” she said.
“Hmm?”
“Will you hold me?”
He inhaled sharply. “I don’t think I can do that.”
“Why not?”
Was she deliberately being obtuse, or did the woman truly not understand how badly he wanted her? “You’re naked. I’m naked. Things will happen.”
She chuckled. “Is that so terrible?”
Desperately, his better nature fought the good fight. “You’re not one hundred percent.”
“Then make love to what’s left of me, please. And this time don’t let go.”
* * *
Simone knew she was being unfair. What was the penalty for tempting a saint? Eternal damnation? She had already tasted the depths of hell. When Hutch left for Sudan, she’d come close to falling apart completely. Only sheer force of will had enabled her to get out of bed and get dressed every day.
Eventually, the pain dulled. Work and friends and hobbies filled the hours. After a year, she dated again. Casually. Always, she wondered what would happen when Hutch came home. And then he didn’t come home.
After the first three years, she had faced the bitter truth. By sending him off to fulfill his destiny, she had destroyed her chance at happiness with him. Even now, she was under no illusions. They had sexual attraction going for them, no question. But she was pregnant with another man’s babies.