“We both knew this wouldn’t last forever, right?” I walk away before I do something stupid like take it all back. When I walk back into the cafeteria, all eyes are on me. It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
“Eat your fucking lunch, ya nosy bastards!” Holden yells, breaking the silence. Most people have the decency to avert their eyes. He and Valen flank my sides, walking with me.
“I can’t be here today,” I say once we’re out in the hall.
“Want me to come with you?” Valen offers.
“No, I’m fine. Seriously,” I say, forcing a smile when she sends me a doubting look.
“I’ll come over later.” I nod and she pulls me in for a hug.
“Come on. I’ll walk you out,” Holden says, tugging me into his side.
We make our way down the hall and through the double doors that lead to the student parking lot. When we get to my car, I climb into my seat, leaving the door open. Holden props his hand against the roof.
“This past year has fucked all of us up,” Holden says, seemingly out of nowhere.
I huff out a laugh. Ya think?
“But Thayer seemed to take it harder than any of us. He wore that chip on his shoulder, shutting all of us out. But when you came back…so did he. You literally brought him back to life.”
My chin wobbles, and then I’m crying again. I sniff, wiping my tears, feeling stupid. But Holden pulls me out of the car and wraps his arms around me, his hand stroking my ponytail. I hug him back, my cheek against his hard chest, taking the comfort he’s offering. If there’s one silver lining through this whole thing, it’s that Holden and I have our friendship back.
“He’s stubborn and moody and self-loathing, but I don’t think he loved a single thing until he met you.”
He said he’d fight for me. I always thought heartbreak was an emotional pain, but the ache in my chest says otherwise. I don’t see or hear from Thayer for days. I should be glad that he’s letting me go. Why wouldn’t he? I made it clear that I planned to do the same. But some part of me wanted him to fight for me like he said he would. The fear of him leaving, along with my stupid pride, wouldn’t let me give in so quickly. Why do girls do that? Wait for an acceptable amount of groveling before they give in? All it does is prolong the pain. On both sides.
“The last thing I ever wanted to be is like my mother,” my mom says. My eyes fly up to see her in the doorway of my room. I frown, not following.
Hello to you, too.
“You’re nothing like her.” I didn’t know her well, but I knew her well enough to know the two are polar opposites.
“Not true,” she says, coming to sit at the foot of my bed. She glances around, taking in the posters and pictures on my walls. “Did you know this used to be my bedroom?”
I shake my head.
“I snuck out of that window more times than I can count.”
I want to laugh, but a small smile is all I can manage. I’ve never snuck out that way, but I have had a boy sneak in. And I’d give anything to have him crawl through that window again.
“I left every chance I could. I spent a lot of my life hating my mother. She always tried to make me fit in this box. She wanted me to be something I wasn’t. She was overbearing and made all my choices for me. And I told myself when I got pregnant with your brother that I’d never do that. I’d never intervene in his life the way she did mine. Yet, here I am, making the same mistakes.”
“How?” I sit up, hugging the pillow in my lap, genuinely confused.
“I’m not around nearly as much as I should be, for one. I depended on Grey way more than I should’ve. I took you guys away from Shadow Ridge where you were happy and threw you to the wolves, knowing how the people in this town could be. I was so focused on providing the life I thought you deserved that I neglected to give you the things you needed most.”
“Mom. This isn’t the same.”
“I don’t want you to resent me.” A tear rolls down her cheek. “I don’t want you to run away one day and never come back.”
“That will never happen,” I assure her.
She wipes her eyes, collecting herself before she shakes her head. “Sorry, I didn’t plan on saying all of that,” she says with a laugh. “I just want to make sure you’re happy. If you want to go back to Shadow Ridge, we will. If you want to stay here, we can do that, too.”
Am I happy in this moment? Far from it. Could I imagine myself being anywhere else?
“I want to stay.”