The very worst thing though, is how I can’t get away from that hurt look she gave me before she ran from me at the party. It was a cross between contempt for me, and the look of someone who has been betrayed so badly they might never recover from the hurt. A look that said she hated me for letting her think I was different, a look so broken that it made me hate myself for putting it on her face.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’ve given her enough time to cool down. I’m scared if I approach her too soon when she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to talk to me, I’ll only anger her further and she won’t really hear what I’m saying.
But I’m scared that if I don’t talk to her soon enough, she’ll assume she was right and I don’t give a flying fuck about her. And when I do try to talk to her, she’ll think it’s just an afterthought, a way to appease my own conscience, or worse to try and make sure the wedding still happens to save face.
The tension is making me crazy and I hate the out-of-control feeling. I need some advice. From someone who actually has a successful relationship. I mentally go through a few of my friends in my head, but none of them know my upcoming wedding is a sham, and by the time I’ve explained all of that, I’ll just make Ashley look bad.
That really only leaves me with two options of who I can talk to about this. My mom or my dad. My mom won’t be in the least bit impressed if she thinks I’ve hurt Ashley. Ashley has really grown on her over the last few weeks.
So my dad it is then. He’s in a successful relationship, and to have negotiated his way through almost forty years of marriage with my mother, it’s fair to say he knows how to handle a problem or two. He could probably write the book on how to talk his way out of tricky relationship situations with someone who is as stubborn as hell. Because that’s both my mom and Ashley.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and call him. The phone is ringing now and it’s too late to change my mind.
“Finn, what’s up?” My dad answers.
“Ah not much, I’m just at work and thought I’d give you a call. What’s up with you?”
“I’m okay,” Dad says. “But I’m not the one making a seemingly pointless phone call in the middle of the work day. So stop pretending like everything's okay and tell me what’s really going on.”
My father is much more observant than I give him credit for. “You were right, Dad,” I blurt out. “I do have feelings for Ashley. And she’s so pissed off at me she won’t even take my calls. I have to make her see that I love her and the only reason I denied it to you was because I hadn’t told her yet.”
“I knew it.” There is great satisfaction in his voice.
“Yeah Dad, thanks for the I told you so. Now what do I do? How do I make her understand?”
“Does she feel the same way about you, Finn?” My dad asks.
“I hope so. I mean, I think she does. At least she did, but after what she overheard at the party, she now thinks I was just leading her on and acting like I felt something for her to make certain she went ahead with the wedding. So now, I’m not so sure.”
“It’s been three days since she overheard that conversation, Finn. She might be mad at you. She might even be wishing she’d never fallen for you, but she did. And feelings like those don’t just go away in a couple of days, even when we so desperately want them to.”
“God, I hope that’s true.”
“It’s true,” my father insists. “You want my advice? Go to her. She can ignore your calls, but it’s a lot harder to ignore someone when they’re right there in front of you. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, and admit that you’re an idiot. She’s known you for over three weeks now, Finn. It’s fair to say she knows you’re not exactly good at this stuff.”
“Thanks for that, Dad,” I answer dryly.
“It’s true, isn’t it? You’re brilliant in the boardroom, but not so much when it comes to women.”
“What if I do all of that and it still doesn’t work?” I ask, ignoring his comment.
My father pauses for a second. “If that doesn’t work, then you’ll have to deal with the consequences of your actions and get over her. But is that really going to be any worse than it is now? At least if you know for sure it’s over, you’re not hanging in limbo and holding on to the hope of something that’s never going to happen. But more importantly, what if it does work? What if she sees you’re genuine and decides to forgive you? You’ll have everything you ever wanted right there in front of you.”