She raises an eyebrow, waiting for the punchline.
I shake my head. “I’m serious, Ashley. I talk in facts and figures. I wouldn’t know where to start with a kid like that.”
She sizes me up for a moment, and she must see that I’m not patronizing her because she relaxes slightly. “So what? You looked my charity up and decided to appease some of your corporate guilt by throwing money my way?” She pauses and smiles, a genuine smile. “Not that I’m above easing your guilt in that way.”
I find myself returning her genuine smile. “It’s a little bit more complicated than that. It seems that somewhere along the way, before your grandfather sold his shares to mine, they decided we would be good together.”
Ashley frowns.
I rush on before she can interrupt and close me down completely. Like what I would have done if someone came to me with that ridiculous story, “My grandpa passed away a couple of weeks ago and …”
“I’m really sorry for your loss,” Ashley murmurs.
I nod and go on quickly, “I’m here about a clause in his will. To get his shares in his company, a company I have spent the last three years of my life pouring everything I have into, I have to marry you.”
Ashley stares at me for a few seconds then throws her head back and laughs.
It’s not the reaction I’m expecting at all, so I just sit here in silence, watching her for a moment.
She sees the way I’m watching her and the laughter dies in her throat. “Oh, my God, you’re serious, aren’t you?” She asks incredulously.
I nod grimly.
She shakes her head at me. “This is just typical of my grandfather. He dangles a bit of money in front of you and expects you to sell your soul for it.”
“Marrying wouldn’t exactly be selling your soul.”
“Wouldn’t it?” She asks archly.
“Maybe it wasn’t your grandfather. Maybe my grandpa thought you could change me, make me do something good with my life. Join you in the charity business.” Even as I say it, I know it’s not true. I don’t know exactly what he wants to achieve except make my life awkward, but he definitely wouldn’t want me to sell out and go into the nonprofit sector. I know what he thought of those guys.
“You really believe that?” Ashley asks, her head tilted to one side.
I shake my head.
She smiles again. “Good. Then you’re not as stupid as I thought. I still don’t know why you’re here though. Are you thinking that giving some sort of a donation will be a way of getting the last laugh over your grandpa?”
I shake my head slowly, trying to work out how to word this.
Ashley’s jaw drops. “What? You’re actually considering marrying a complete stranger to get his company!” She gapes at me like I’m crazy.
Maybe I am, this might just be the most insane idea I have ever considered.
Her jaw drops even further. “And you’re thinking I might consider it too. Fucking hell, is this a… proposal?”
“I am considering it,” I say cautiously. “But it’s not a proposal in the way you think it is. It’ll be a business arrangement. I would donate a huge, very huge initial sum of money to the charity, then we’ll draw up some sort of contract so the charity gets a percentage of the profits each month. We can really make this work for both of us.”
She’s still staring at me like I’m insane. “God, Finn. Are you hearing yourself? This… this arrangement of yours is completely, utterly, and totally preposterous. Let me save you some time. Don’t bother working out any details, or drawing up any contracts, and certainly don’t even think about buying a tux, or roping in a best man. There is no way in hell I’m letting my grandfather map out my future for me in this way. The answer is never.”
“Hang on—”
“There are no buts or hang ons with this one,” Ashley cuts me off. “This is a firm no for me. I don’t care how much money is in it for me the answer is no. No. No!”
I hold up my hand. “I can see that you are feeling very emotional about this. But remember your life need not change in the slightest bit. The only change will be a marriage certificate, which you can put away in a dark cupboard and forget about. You don’t even need to see me. After a very short while, we can initiate divorce proceedings. Think how many of those fifteen year boys you can save with all that money.”
She takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to sound horrible or anything, but let me make this crystal clear for you. I would rather be buried alive than marry someone like you.”
“I dread to think what you would have said if you were trying to be horrible.” Weirdly, I’m kind of impressed she didn’t lay down for the money. I don’t know a single woman who would have said no to me and my extremely generous proposal.