I think Liv likes our secret, and although I’m grateful, because I just want her to myself, I have to wonder why she’s not putting up more of a fight to go public. I know she said in the hotel that this probably wouldn’t turn into a relationship, given that we’re both leaving for college in a few months, but something is eating at me. I told her I loved her last night. I don’t know if she forgot, is ignoring it, or she thinks I was lying, but when she said it back, she said she was kidding, so that doesn’t count.
She hasn’t said it back yet—not really—and I don’t know why it hurts a little.
Part of me wants her to fight me on this. To demand we walk down the school hallway hand in hand.
Liv checks the stalls to make sure we’re alone and then follows me into one, the door locking and my books dropping to the floor in a flurry right before she grabs me into her arms.
Slipping my hand under her skirt, I press my body into her as she holds my face, and we kiss. I moan, taking advantage of however many seconds we have alone to let her know how good she feels.
Her tongue caresses mine, and I inhale her scent and the taste of her watermelon-flavored lip tint.
“Mine.” She pants, rubbing her thumb across my lips. “Until graduation. Okay?”
“Yeah.”
She tips my chin back and kisses slowly down my neck. “No one has to know, but you better.”
“I know.” I nod. “Don’t worry, I know.”
I’m yours. Just don’t stop.
We grind on each other, but whenever I try to go faster, she slows us down, and I’m going insane, because it’ll be hours before we can be alone again.
I lift my leg, setting my foot on the toilet seat, and she slips a hand inside her black bandana that she tied around my thigh. Hidden underneath my skirt and from everyone except her who tied it there this morning.
I look down, lifting her wrist and turning it over to see the octopus I drew on the inside, hidden from everyone but me. I drew it there this morning.
We weren’t going to get to talk much at school, but we wanted a constant reminder of each other.
“I know why you like octopi,” she teases.
“Octopuses,” I correct her, moving in for her mouth again. “And there are so many reasons to love them.” We nibble and bite. “You know they can detach limbs at will? Like not rip it off but detach it when they’re in danger?” I keep kissing her, her warm body making chills spread across my arms. “They all have venom, even just a little, and they have nine brains, each arm can act independently from the others. Isn’t that wild?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“And they use tools,” I tell her. “They have three hearts. They eat their arms when they’re bored.”
“They can slap eight people at the same time,” she adds and then cuts off my laugh with a kiss that grows deeper and deeper until I’m breathless.
And I can’t take it anymore. I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her neck, just holding her.
Just hugging her.
She stills, and I know she’s probably wondering what I’m doing, but I just need to memorize this. I don’t know if I really love her, but it’s going to hurt to lose her. I know that.
Finally, I pull away and kiss her again, knowing we’re pressing our luck.
“Let’s go,” I tell her.
I pick up my stuff, and we head into the locker room, clearing out our gear for the day. Only a few people remain, and I’m due at my grandmother’s in the next fifteen minutes.
I really should put in an appearance at Wind House soon too. I’ve only been doing what I absolutely have to if it doesn’t involve Olivia. But…I don’t want to lose Mrs. Gates, either. I know I help her, and it feels good.
“What time are you home tonight?” I ask quietly, keeping my eyes peeled despite our row being empty.
She passes me, tosses something into the trash can, and then grazes her hand under my skirt as she comes back.
“I’ll be in the theater until at least seven,” she whispers. “You?”
“I’m free by then,” I tell her. “Can I come over?”
She tosses discarded towels into the laundry basket and walks over, stopping behind me and pretending to be interested in something in my locker.
“Or my house?” I ask instead.
My mom knows the Jaegers and she might know about Liv, but she’d never suspect.
“You need sleep,” she murmurs. “I need sleep.”
“We don’t have to do that,” I clarify, even though she’s pressing her body into mine and sending me completely different signals. “We can sleep. We can do anything. I don’t care. I just want to be somewhere where I can touch you.”