Oh, baby.
I kiss her temple, longing to take her hurt away. “Good surprise?” I ask, suddenly nervous.
“Very good surprise. Thank you, you darling man.” She raises her lips to mine, and I give her a quick, chaste peck, suitable for family viewing.
Ana is not her usual self during dinner—she’s subdued, but I understand; she’s worried about her father. She follows the conversations, laughs in the right places, and I think she’s buoyed by the merriment of our family and friends. But deep down my girl is aching: she’s pale, she’s chewing her lip, and occasionally, she’s distracted—probably lost in her dark thoughts.
I see her pain and I’m powerless to help.
It’s frustrating.
She picks at her food, but I don’t nag her. I’m just grateful she ate a hearty lunch.
Elliot and José are in top form. I had no idea the photographer had such a sharp sense of humor. Kate, too, has noticed Ana’s state; she’s solicitous, and during a hushed conversation I watch them laughing. Ana shows off her new bracelet and Kate makes the right appreciative noises. My feelings toward Kavanagh thaw a little more.
Make my wife laugh. She needs the distraction right now.
Finally, a magnificent chocolate cake with twenty-two candles ablaze is delivered by two waitstaff. Elliot starts a spirited rendition of “Happy Birthday,” and we all join in. Ana’s smile is wistful.
“Make a wish,” I whisper to her, and she screws her eyes shut like a child might, then blows out every candle in one breath. She looks up at me, anxiously, and I know she’s thinking of Ray. “He’ll be fine, Ana. Just give him time.”
Bidding good night to all our guests, we wander up to our hotel room. I think the night has been a success. Ana seems more content, and I’m surprised, given the circumstances, how much I enjoyed everyone’s company. I close the door to our suite and lean against it as Ana turns to face me. “Alone at last,” I mutter.
She must be exhausted.
She steps toward me and runs her fingers over my lapels. “Thank you for a wonderful birthday. You really are the most thoughtful, considerate, generous husband.”
“My pleasure.”
“Yes, your pleasure. Let’s do something about that,” she whispers, and raises her lips to mine.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Ana is curled up on the sofa in our suite, reading a manuscript that she’s had printed out at the hotel. She’s calm and focused, that little v forming between her brows as she scribbles her blue-penciled hieroglyphics in the margins. Occasionally she chews her plump lower lip, and I don’t know if it’s a judgment on what she’s reading or if she’s immersed in the narrative, but it has the usual effect on my body.
I want to bite that lip.
Smiling to myself, I remember my surprise wake-up call this morning. Ana is becoming more and more proactive when it comes to sex, but as the beneficiary of her passion, I’m not complaining. I think seeing her nearest and dearest at this difficult time has been therapeutic.
Having said that, it’s been an emotional morning. After a convivial breakfast with our family and friends, we said good-bye to everyone, except Carla and Bob. My parents have driven back to Seattle; Stephan has flown Elliot, Mia, Kate, and Ethan back home in Charlie Tango. Ryan, who’s still in Seattle, will pick them up at Boeing Field.
After everyone left, Carla, Ana, and I visited Ray. Well, Carla and Ana did; I gave them some privacy and worked in the waiting room until it was time to take Carla and Bob to the airport. We delivered them into the safe hands of First Officer Beighley and her copilot, who were standing by with the Gulfstream. Ana said a tearful farewell to her mother, and now we’re back in our suite, cooling our heels after a light lunch. I think Ana is reading to distract herself from thinking about Ray.
I’d just like to go home.
But I guess that depends on Ray’s recovery.
I hope he wakes shortly, and we can make plans to move him to Seattle and return to Escala. I don’t mention this to Ana, though—I don’t want to add to her worries.
I’ve had my fill of reading, so to pass the time, I’ve started assembling a collage of photographs of my wife to use as a screensaver on my laptop and phone. I have so many photographs of her from our honeymoon—and in all of them, Ana is stunning. I’m delighted to have captured her in so many different moods: laughing, pensive, pouting, amused, relaxed, happy, and in some, she’s scowling at me. Those are the photos that make me grin.
I’m reminded of the shock at seeing her image, large and lovely, at José Rodriguez’s exhibition, and our conversation afterward.
I want you that relaxed with me.
I glance over at her again. Here she is. Relaxed. Absorbed in her work.