‘Try to move,’ I hissed. ‘You have to try and fight.’
My mother had started packing up her stuff. Suitcases sat near our front door like roadblocks. Abigail had started throwing things away. She gave me one of her stuffies. ‘I want you to remember me,’ she said.
Barbra had suggested this scenario. She was the one who wanted it.
‘Come on, I just want to give you a lollipop!’ I hissed. I was starting to leave my character the soldier, looking down at Barbra’s short shorts, the satin green crack of her ass. ‘The lollipop is cherry. It’s your favourite, little girl.’
My gut felt like a cave with gas roiling inside it. Barbara had a skin tag at the back of one ear. Abigail had to come back and visit me and Dad. She could keep her fucking stuffy. Paternal rights were the law.
‘Little girl, answer me!’
But Barbra just lay there, dead in the ground. If she didn’t start moving I’d end this game now. I unzipped my pants.
I repeated: ‘Come lick the lollipop, Suicide Girl.’
I covered my dick in my shorts. My dick felt fucking huge. I wanted to tell her straight out: suck me. I was the abductor. Her saviour. I’d force her. I wanted her jaw dropped, tongue out, dragged into my bed.
‘Come into my car, little girl. I’m going to take your picture.’
Men who took pictures of girls were so fucking creepy. Pictures in their bathing suits, pictures in their satin short shorts. I wanted her to get off the floor. I wanted to force her to suck me. I felt evil. Immoral. I saw her eyelids twitch.
‘Come on. Fuck. Get up. Are you going to come to my car?’
She was a lump on my floor. I nudged her head with my boot.
‘Answer me!’
‘I’m not lost anymore,’ Barbra finally said. ‘I’m not a little girl anymore.’
Barbra rolled onto her back. She lay there looking up at me.
All of a sudden I felt prickling wet shame. I was like Joel. My mother was leaving my father. My sister was leaving our childhood home. All those Jews left their homes, homes bulldozed by the army, believing that exile finally was through.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered.
‘You don’t have to be.’
Both her eyes were electric. I still felt so bad. I knew if she stayed there like that, I’d cum in her face. That was upside down. Fuck. I wanted to stop. God, I did not want to cum in her face. Unless she wanted me to cum in her face.
‘Jew-boy, just keep going, okay?’
My veins felt like a blood web all over my face. Spiders dripped from their sacs, all their thin newborn legs. God, I felt like the creepiest of creepy abductors. I had to hold my cock down.
‘I’ve never had an orgasm, little girl.’
Still covering my cock, I unzipped and let my jeans down halfway.
‘Yeah, that’s good.’ Barbra smiled.
‘I never ever ejaculated, I’m sorry,’ I croaked.
‘Yeah, yeah, just keep going like that.’
Barbra had thick black gunk weight on her eyelashes. She got up to her elbows. She twitched.
‘I want you to cum so hard you don’t know what hit you,’ Barbra said.
I had a boot on either side of her waist. I was the soldier. The soldier who had taken her from home. Barbra dropped her head backwards. Nipples vibrating, headless. I stared at her not-oblong tits.