“You don’t understand.”
“Try explaining it to me because you’re right-I don’t understand. You love her. She loves you. It’s pretty simple to figure out in my book.”
There wasn’t a way to make him understand without telling him what was going on. “It’s way more complicated than that. I come from something you couldn’t begin to imagine,” I explained.
“How is your family so different?” he questioned.
Something happened in me and I felt like I would snap if I didn’t tell someone what was going on with me because I was sick of living this lie. “Dane, I grew up watching my mom deal drugs for a living. This summer, a man shot and killed her in front of me because he thought she was ripping him off and she probably was. He thought he killed me when he put a bullet in me and all of this happened while my two little brothers hid in a closet in their bedroom. Now, I live with the grandmother that taught my mom how to deal and she is forcing me to deal in exchange for a roof over my head. In the meantime, I have two little brothers in foster care that I have to figure out how to get back and take care of, so don’t try to tell me I left Claire so it would be easier because nothing in my life is easy.”
He stopped running and stared at me.
“I don’t want anyone to know. Especially Claire,” I warned.
“I wouldn’t tell anyone, but you can’t keep doing that, dude. It’s illegal. You could go to jail,” he said like I didn’t already know that was a possibility.
I tried to defend myself and my actions. “Well, right now I need a roof over my head, so I don’t have much of a choice, but that’s not the end of it. Believe it or not, it gets much worse.
He looked at me like it wasn’t possible for it to get worse. “After I was shot, my doctor thought I needed psych counseling so I was referred out for possible post traumatic stress.”
When his eyes grew to the size of saucers, I knew he was putting it together. “Say it isn’t so.”
“Yep, it’s so. Mrs. Deveraux was my counselor. I couldn’t get discharged from her until I started talking so she knows everything about me and I do mean everything. I could have died when I walked up in Claire’s house and saw her on Saturday night. She pretended we didn’t know each other, but only because she didn’t have a choice. She told me to break it off with Claire, so what was I supposed to do?”
I could see his wheels turning, trying to find a solution for me. “Dude, I’m really sorry, because I know how much you love her, but we need to get you away from your grandmother. You can stay with me so you don’t have to deal for her anymore.”
“No, I can’t. I know it sounds terrible to you, but it’s what I’ve known my entire life, so I’m use to it. It’s not so bad and I only have to do it until I graduate. I’m going to get a full time job and find a place to stay until fall semester starts, then I’ll live on campus wherever I go to school.”
“That sounds like a great plan and all, but what if you get caught and go to jail in the meantime?” he proposed.
“I know how to be careful, but I was serious about not telling anyone. You feeling me?”
“I’ve got it,” he promised.
I went back to running and he followed. “I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have dumped all of that on you, but I felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t talk to someone soon.”
“I’m glad you trust me enough to confide in me, but I think you should explain everything to Claire. She loves you unconditionally. I saw that on Saturday night.”
“No! She can never know.”
* * *
I wasn’t ready to face Claire, so I didn’t go to school on Tuesday and because it was so easy to not face her on Tuesday, I didn’t go on Wednesday either. I was afraid I might not be allowed to play on Friday night if I cut school more than two days, so I reluctantly returned on Thursday.
I purposely waited until the tardy bell rang before I went to Calculus because it was easier to take the tardy than have the ‘how could you do that to her’ conversation with Payton. I kept my eye on my watch while I waited for the bell to ring and somehow managed to dodge her after class.
I sat in Humanities dreading the moment Claire entered class because I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing that hurt look on her face. The bell rang without a sign of her and Mrs. Tanner said, “Jessie, I’m glad to see you’re back and recovered from whatever put you and Claire out of school this week, but it looks like she isn’t going to make it back today. Do you know if she is doing any better?”
I had news for her. I was no where near recovered and wouldn’t be anytime soon. “No, ma’am. I haven’t talked to her.”
She looked confused as she said, “I hope she is alright.”
She looked at me, waiting for my response, but I couldn’t give her something I didn’t have, so I stared down at my desk and waited for her to take the hint.
I suffered through the hour, then made a second attempt at avoiding Payton when I got to history, but wasn’t so lucky this time around. She sat in front of me in history, then turned around and got in my face. “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and listen to your mansplanation before I go postal on your ass.”
I looked down at my notebook because I was afraid she might see what I was trying to hide from her. “I don’t have to explain anything to you.”
She slapped her hand on the desk to get my attention, not caring if she called everyone’s attention to us. “Uh, yeah…you do. I encouraged Claire to pursue a relationship with you all based on what you led me to believe, so you do owe me an explanation.”
It was time to get her off my trail. “I played you and I played her-pretty well I might add. It was always about taking her from Forbes, but when she wouldn’t sleep with me, I was done with her because I have better ways to spend my time.”
She wrinkled her forehead as she looked at me. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but I don’t believe you.”
“What are you? A human lie detector?” I laughed.
She stared me down and said, “When someone tells a lie, the grimace that accompanies it always tells the truth and that’s a fact, Jack.”
Mr. Buckley ended our showdown when he began class and I couldn’t have been more relieved. That girl was too perceptive for her own good and if I wasn’t careful, she was going to crack this case wide open.