“No, sweetheart. What I’m going to do is make love to you. I’m going to wash away what he did to you with his repulsive body and replace that nightmare with a good memory. I know it’s not possible to ever forget something like that, but I’m going to try my damndest to erase it from your mind. I’m going to show you all night how you’re supposed to be taken. Soft and slow.”
Alyssa shook her head. “I don’t think I’m ready yet. I’m not right inside.”
“Yes, Alyssa, you—“
“I’m not—“
“Shhh … he placed a finger to her lips. “Don’t be scared. You told me to push, so I am. I would never, ever, hurt you. You know this. I’d rather cut my hands off before I ever hurt you.”
John took a deep breath. He needed to make her whole, make her feel wanted, so he was going to take a risk.
“Was this the first time he forced himself on you?”
Alyssa gulped, averting her gaze and John’s mouth dropped.
“It’s not, is it?” his voiced cracked. And when she shook her head, his chest broke in two. How could this have happened?
Quietly she admitted, “A few days before Jace’s funeral was the first time, but I’m not entirely positive since I’d been drinking. I drank a lot that night … I was upset about the condition Jace was in and trying to be there for you, but you weren’t letting me. Ben picked up some Tequila and I figured why the heck not since no one wanted to be around me but him. After a handful of shots, everything got really hazy and they hit me all at once. I’d never had tequila but once at the bonfire and that was only one shot. Ben came on to me but I don’t remember much after that. I just remember waking up with a little pain but didn’t think it anything of it.”
John’s jaw was locked tight, he was struggling to hold it in. If he ever got a hold of Ben, he was going to slaughter him.
“So there’s a chance Brooke was the result of a rape.”
She shook her head again. That wasn’t the first time the thought popped in her brain.
“Why do you keep saying that word?”
“Because it’s what happened.”
Alyssa closed her eyes. “I just don’t know. Would I know? He told me we had sex that night, but I remember nothing and I hate it.”
Sobering, John took a deep breath and said, “Alyssa, you need me, and I need you to feel me with no barrier between us. I’m going to make love to you all night long, without a condom.” Her eyes widened. “I know it’s crazy and wild and reckless and we’re taking a huge risk, but it just feels right and I’m willing to take my chances. Are you?”
Alyssa gulped. He hated seeing the fear in her eyes. “I’ll try.”
“How about we start from the beginning. With a kiss. And go from there. Okay?”
He was going to move slow tonight. Not what he originally wanted to do, but he had to. There was no other way. He was going to make her feel as much pleasure as he could. She deserved it.
John licked his lips, and then grazed over Alyssa’s. Back and forth he moved across her mouth, nibbling and suckling as she held on for dear life. Her fingers dug into his back, her nails probably leaving imprints, but he didn’t care. She needed him, and he was going to give himself to her as she did for him that one night when he lost his best friend.
As John began kissing Alyssa deeper, her arms loosened and her nails were no longer in his back, but drifting across his shoulders. His lips never left hers, his palms held her jaw steady. He needed to kiss her right, because sex all started with a kiss. And if the kiss was sensual and provocative, then the sex would be
off the charts. John put in as much passion as he could until he thought she was ready for more. He kissed her breathless.
“Thank you,” she whispered against his lips.
“For what?”
“Not walking out just now.”
“I would never do that to you. But right now, there’s no more talking.”
Her body softened under his, and her hips began moving.
John grinned before he kissed her again. Reaching down, her breasts were much larger, and while he liked them before when she was thin, he loved them now. They used to be a handful at most, but now they were spilling over and in between his fingers. He was quickly realizing he was a breast man all the way.
“Alyssa, I love how big your tits are now. Fuck …” John groaned.