“Thank you, Diane. Again, for everything.”
A day later, Alyssa was on her way home from the hospital. She was sitting in the back seat with Brooke Elyse watching her suck her thumb. She was so tiny in the blue train themed car seat. Light blonde ringlets were peeking out of her beanie. Alyssa had been told once that she was born with a head of hair so that’s where she assumed Brooke got it from.
Her mom … Alyssa’s shoulders sagged. The euphoric joy she was high on washed away at the thought of her mother. Was she that upset with her that she discarded her daughter like a piece of trash? A tear ran down her cheek as she looked at Brooke again. She couldn’t imagine doing something like that to her child.
“You doin’ okay, sweetie?”
Alyssa smiled weakly. “I am. Just really happy,” she lied.
“I know the feeling.”
Diane and Clark had kept their word and not said anything to John even though he’d been blowing up her phone. She felt bad, but she wasn’t ready yet. Her gut told her he would be upset that she hadn’t called him, but she had her own reasons why she didn’t. She was in a weird place. She didn’t want John to feel like he had to be there, and she knew he had testing coming up, so she wasn’t going to add more pressure to him. It was the last thing she wanted. Plus, she had Diane right by her side the entire time. So she wasn’t alone.
Pulling into the driveway, Alyssa unbuckled Brooke. She nestled her to her chest as she walked up to the house.
Just walking those few steps hurt like a bitch. Alyssa ached from the delivery. It even hurt to pee. She probably looked like she just went horseback riding–bareback style–but there was nothing she could do about it.
As she settled into John’s room and placed Brooke in the bassinet, John sent her a text.
Yours Truly: I know you’re mad at me, but please let me know you’re okay. I’m worried.
Alyssa frowned. Mad? Why was he so worried?
I’m fine. Why would I be mad at you?
Yours Truly: You’ve been ignoring my calls. Just thought you were mad.
I’m not. Just been busy is all.
Yours Truly: Are you busy? Can I call you now?
She paused, trying to think of a plausible lie.
Not right now. I’m exhausted and need to catch up on some sleep. Maybe tomorrow.
Alyssa sighed. Lying was never the answer, but she didn’t have the energy.
Yours Truly: Okay. I’m moving to South Carolina this weekend. So if you don’t hear from me, you know why. I’m planning on coming home the following weekend though.
He was moving for his job. That suddenly upset her. It made no sense at all. Her emotions were all out of whack. Maybe it was the fact that he was moving on with his life and meeting his goals, where as she was feeling lost and her only goal at the moment was to make it to the next day and care for her daughter.
Good luck with your move, John.
John frowned at his phone. Not only did he have a notion that she was avoiding his phone calls, she called him John. He couldn’t remember the last time she had called him John. Something was definitely up. He had a gut feeling about it. Maybe she was anxious about her impending delivery. John knew the date was getting closer. This weekend he might not be able to make it home, but the following weekend he would surely make the trip. And he couldn’t wait to be there to hold her hand while she gave birth. He’d been looking forward to this day for the last few months now.
The first week of motherhood flew by so fast, Alyssa didn’t even know what day it was when she woke that morning. Was it morning? Or was it still night time? She was delirious. Her eyes burned from lack of sleep and her body screamed to stay in bed, but she had a bundle of joy that needed to be fed.
How the hell had she ever thought to leave the Jackson home before Brooke was born? It was a good thing Diane and Clark had talked her into staying. She was so grateful for them and all they did. Diane was pushing it at times, Alyssa could tell. Even though Diane had her MS under control, flare-ups happened occasionally and she didn’t want to be the root of them. However, Clark pulled her aside one day saying that he hadn’t seen Di that cheerful since before the MS had set in. So that was a good thing.
She owed so much to that woman.
Rolling over, she carefully swaddled Brooke to her breast and began nursing. A slight pinch and she felt her milk releasing. This was another thing she owed to Diane; she showed her how to breastfeed, something she desperately wanted for her child but didn’t know where to start. As Brooke nursed, her eyes scanned her milky skin and wondered who her daughter looked like. That thought crossed her mind ten times a day. Ben or John. It was still too early to tell by looking at her, but it wasn’t for a paternity test. That could be done at any time and her heart sank just thinking about it.
Speaking of paternity testing, Ben’s arraignment was later today. She really didn’t want to bring Brooke, and luckily Diane offered to babysit.
Pulling her sleeping daughter away, Alyssa gently laid her back down in the bassinet. She fixed her shirt then laid down herself. Within minutes she was asleep only to start the process over in two hours.
Alyssa groaned at the obnoxious sound of vibrations coming from the nightstand. Sleep. She needed more sleep. She felt like she had just fallen asleep only five minutes ago.