No, he knew in his gut that baby was his. They’d been together first.
“How far along are you?”
“I’m a little over five months.” John was doing the calculations in his head.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuuucccckkkk.
Godammit all to hell. He was a father for all of three minutes.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m not home for long, but we need to talk before I leave. I’ll stop by your house after dinner.”
“Um, I don’t live with my mother anymore …”
This just gets better and better. “So I leave and you fucking play house with Ben? Seriously Alyssa?”
“You up and left, Johnny. I had no idea you joined the Marines. I thought you were done with me. You closed off and pushed me away. What was I supposed to do?”
He could never be done with her.
John went off. “My best friend is dead. He fucking died, Alyssa! You were not supposed to run and fuck Ben! You were supposed to be there for me! In my fucking arms. Jesus Christ! Jace wrapped his truck around a fucking tree. Have a modicum of sympathy for me, will ya? I lost my best friend,” his voice shook, his eyes starting to water. “That night was the worst night of my life. The weeks following were dark and full of misery. I was suffering inside. I made a few mistakes and then one night everything was put into perspective for me. I needed to make a change, so I did.”
“I know …” she whispered. “I was with you when it happened, remember?” He remembered everything. Some days it was what got him through to the next.
“Yeah, I do, so you should understand what I’m dealing with. But fuck. You run to Ben?” he spat.
Alyssa fought back the tears. “It wasn’t planned … I had no choice.”
“Nothing in life is planned and we always have a choice, Alyssa. We make our choices. No one can hold us responsible for them but ourselves.”
“You’re right.”
“I know I’m fucking right. I can’t believe this shit.”
Rubbing her belly, she softly said, “For what it’s worth, I’m ninety-nine percent sure this baby is yours.”
John huffed, shaking his head. “Ninety-nine percent … So obviously I can’t come to your house. Can you come over tonight and we’ll talk? Wait. Why aren’t you living at home anymore?”
Alyssa nervously bit her lip. “That’s a long story …” There was no way she could leave once Ben got home from work. Especially if it was to see John. In fact, she needed to start dinner. Ben liked his dinner hot and ready on a plate when he got home. And if wasn’t ready … well she didn’t want to even go there.
Glancing down at her watch, her heart sped up. She had an hour left. Alyssa needed to get a move on.
“I can’t tonight,” she said with a shaky voice. “Maybe tomorrow I can get away to see you?” Yes, tomorrow would be better for her while Ben was at work.
John’s eyes narrowed at her sudden change in tone. “Fair enough. Can’t imagine Ben would like if you came over to see your ex … whatever anyway. I’ll call you tomorrow—”
“No!” she interrupted John, her heart hammering now. If John called while Ben was still home it wouldn’t be good for her. Then she definitely would not be able to leave.
Swallowing, she said, “I’ll call you when I get up … You still have the same phone number?”
John nodded suspiciously. “What’s going on Alyssa? Everything okay?”
“Yup. Fine,” she replied quickly. “I just need to start dinner.”
John sighed. “Come on, I’ll walk you in.”