John sat in his truck and stared straight ahead at the rows of cars. Where did he go? What did he do? He was in a fog. He felt lost, confused, and angry. Desolate. There was only one person he wanted to be with, but she wanted nothing to do with him.
He needed her. He needed her so bad he ached. He needed her goodness and smart mouth. He needed to be near her to breathe her in. He needed to touch her to know that she was alive.
Fuck. He just lost his best friend. He needed his girl. Pulling out his phone, John sent her a text message.
I need you. Please, Alyssa. I need you so bad right now. Meet me somewhere.
John stared at his phone praying that she would respond. Seconds felt like minutes. When he saw the little bubble that indicated she was responding, he released a breath.
Babe: Where?
John thought for a moment. Whiskey River.
Babe: Okay.
Turning the ignition, John left the hospital and went straight to the river. His mind couldn’t process anything. His head was empty and exhausted, stripped of everything.
What the fuck happened?
It was all too surreal. And unfair. Life was unfair.
In order to get to Whiskey River, John had to pass the place that had taken Jace’s life. It was the last thing he wanted to do after watching him leave this earth. This was going to be difficult.
John slowed his truck down and looked out of his window. Everything slammed into him like it just happened. He shook his head and gripped his chest trying to ease the tightness.
John drove another mile or so until he reached the river, backing his truck up under a tree. It was the same place where he pretty much called Alyssa trash. John stepped out and looking around, noticing that Alyssa hadn’t gotten there yet. He walked down toward the water and sat on the dirt, bringing his knees up. A tear streamed down his cheek, the first one he let out since saying goodbye to Jace. God, he would never forget that moment. It will be forever seared into his brain. Another tear and all the memories came flooding back at him at once. It was all too much to handle. They slammed into him over and over. The sound of his voice, the way he laughed when Ford said something stupid. Fuck! Life wasn’t fair! Why did Jace have to die?
Standing up, John picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could across the river. He watched as it made a large splash then sunk to the bottom. Gone. Just like Jace. He bent down and grabbed another, then another and threw those. Then he found a branch and threw that as he yelled a string of curse words over and over that his father would h
ave his ass for if he heard it. But it didn’t matter because Jace was gone and nothing would bring him back. Jace was gone.
He was dead.
And it was his fault.
John is the reason behind Jace’s death. Plain and simple. It was his fault, and he’d have to live with that knowledge every damn day for the rest of his life while Jace would be six feet under.
Fuck.
He bent over and let out a loud howl full of anguish and pain. He reached for the ground to stop himself from falling over. God, it hurt. It hurt so bad.
“John! John! Oh my goodness. Are you okay?”
John stood and looked over his shoulder at Alyssa who walked toward him. The fear evident in her eyes was real when she reached him. He probably looked like a mess while he screamed into the air. They stood a foot apart. John felt like the world was spinning around him at a high speed, a blur of trees and water. Alyssa tilted her head and locked eyes with him.
“Alyssa …” Her name came out as a broken whisper, and he reached for her. She stepped toward him. “Johnny? What happened?”
His mouth formed a tight thin line as hot tears rolled down his cheeks. John shook his head since he was unable to get the words out. “Jace … he’s … he’s …”
“Oh, Johnny,” she said, and rushed for him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on to him tightly as he cried into her neck. John couldn’t control the tears even if he wanted to, he just let it all out. He was shaking, nearly convulsing but Alyssa didn’t let go. She held onto him.
“Jace is gone,” he cried. “Jace is gone …”
At that, Alyssa hugged him tighter and comforted him. He could hear her sniffles and feel the small vibrations on her back. She was holding it in. Jace had been her friend too. How could he have been so insensitive and forget that? Finding the strength, he took a deep breath and picked Alyssa up. Her legs automatically wound around his waist and locked behind him with her head in his neck now. John walked to his truck, pulled down the tailgate and gently put Alyssa on it. But they never let go of each other. No, they just held on tight without saying a word.
There were no words to be said. Just emotions to be felt.
Pulling back, John looked at Alyssa whose eyes were puffy and swollen, exactly what his felt like. She wiped away the wetness under his eyes, then dried her thumbs on her shorts. A sad, small smile plagued her mouth and he wanted to kiss it away. Night had fallen, so the only light they had was coming from the full moon above them.