“Come on, I’ll walk you home.”
When we got to her apartment, we looked at each awkwardly. We lingered on the doorstep, talking and still sipping on the whiskey, until the bottle was done and we threw it in the trash.
“I guess I should go up...”
“I guess you should...”
The night was so still, you could hear the cats in the street blocks away, their howling filled with desperation. I understood that howl, I felt it myself.
I left her then. I left her with a quick goodbye and walked off down the street. It took all my strength to leave her. I ached to hold her. I would walk away, though.
But I looked back.
She stood at the gate of the apartment building, watching me walk away from her. If only she’d gone inside, I’d have not had my senses addled. I’d fought this thing ever since I’d first laid eyes on her. Every single time we were together, I wanted to take her into my arms and kiss her like nobody in the world had ever kissed before. I wanted to make her mine and not ever let her go. I’d fought and I’d fought, but I could fight no longer.
I paused.
I turned.
I rushed back to her and swept her into my arms. I held her body tight against mine, feeling her heart beat like a trapped bird. I bent down to kiss her lightly on the forehead, just my lips brushing against her skin. A goodnight kiss, that was all.
But her mouth found mine. I didn’t want to overwhelm her with my need. But, as our lips connected, she pressed hard against me, hot with desire.
Oh, dear Lord, how could I resist that? She had fires in her I’d never dreamed of. I kissed her deeper as she twisted her fingers through my hair, pulling me closer too. Her lips becoming brutal with need.
The intensity with which she kissed me made me quiver. I’d known a lot of women but none had ever kissed me with that kind of need, a pure longing to be mine.
This woman loved me in ways I could not even imagine, with a depth that scared me. She loved me in a way I should cherish. I had no idea what to do with something like that. I should’ve run, but I could resist no longer.
Chapter 16 Gina
JACKSON KISSED ME AND I knew I wanted more. I wanted so much more. With his arms around me, I felt complete. In an instant, I’d gone from wanting him to knowing that I couldn’t live without him. His arms were the only arms I would ever want holding me. His lips were the only lips I wanted to kiss me. There would be no one else for me in this lifetime.
I wasn’t sure what made him turn around and come back to me but I was so glad he had. It killed me inside to watch him walk away.
Then he turned back and my heart stopped. Maybe he’d forgotten something, maybe he had a logical reason. I didn’t dare hope it was anything else.
When his lips met mine, he woke something inside me.
Our kiss seemed to go on forever, stuck in some place where time ceased to exist. My heart beat so fast. His too. I clung to him desperately, willing him to go further, to go as far as he could, shaking with a need for him so strong that it hurt.
But then one of the neighbors coughed. They were trying to get out the doorway and we blocked them. I moved aside and then we both laughed.
When he broke away from me, a wave of loss hit me. Then I did the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I sent him home.
Was I being a fool? All I wanted was for him to keep holding me, to kiss me again. To take me upstairs and make love to me for the rest of the night. Well, for the rest of eternity.
But, even though I had no doubts in my mind that he was the only man for me, if we went any further and he rejected me again, I’d never live through it. I was too weak, too vulnerable. The intensity would destroy me.
My body ached, literally ached, from our separation.
As much as I loved him, I doubted him too. Not his love for me, after that kiss, I’d never doubt that. What I doubted was his emotional stability. He could pull away from me at any minute and I’d be left distraught.
“You’re not ready for this,” I told him. “And I’m not ready to handle that.”
I wanted him to convince me otherwise, I’d admit that. I wanted him to fight for me, to tell me he’d do whatever it took to keep me. I wanted him to sweep me away on a wave of passion that neither of us could control.
I said goodbye and ran up to my apartment as fast as I could, before I changed my mind. I leaned against the door, panting from the effort and torn from the parting. Tears stung my eyes.