I had to move away. I inhaled, trying to draw strength.
He gave me that curled lip smile and I reached out, wanting to entwine my fingers in his hair. I could lose myself in him. I didn't have to worry about the future. I knew what the future would be. I could just go for it now. Letting myself have the ecstasy of his body one more time. My brain closed down as my other senses took over.
Then the mop bucket clanged.
Drew.
My hand froze about an inch from Holden's head. What had I been doing? I tried to jump back but there was nowhere to go.
This was wrong. Too wrong. I'd fallen so easily, let my guard down. I couldn't let him near me, not for one second.
I pushed Holden away and got out from behind the bar to let Drew clean up. Holden lingered a minute then followed me, sticking close. He thought he'd won me over. As if I could forgive him that easily. I'd been temporarily insane, that was all.
I gulped. Holden almost devoured me with his eyes. My body flushed. I had to get a grip on myself. I was stupid. So stupid. I knew I couldn't trust him for a minute but I'd let him get that close.
The burning need had nowhere to go. I couldn't escape. I couldn't shut the bar before closing time. We'd already lost enough money.
I went back behind the bar, snatching the mop off Drew.
"Jesus, Drew, can't you even mop properly? You've had enough practice."
He started to say something but looked at me then backed away. The fear in his eyes made me angrier. I needed to take back control of this situation.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked.
"Just get your stuff and go. I'll get someone who can do the job properly. Don't bother coming back."
Drew grabbed his backpack from the shelf. His sniffling attempt to hold back his tears almost made me reconsider but I couldn't. If word got around that I was a soft boss, the staff would walk all over me. That would be the worst thing I could do. Still, he was so pitiful as he walked out.
But I'd done the right thing. I couldn't even trust him for a minute. I needed dependable staff, not an irresponsible kid. I grabbed the mop and slapped it against the floor.
Still, a cold, heavy stone settled in my belly.
Chapter 12
THE BAR WAS SILENT after Drew left. The silence you get after someone loses their shit and no one knows what to say or if it’s appropriate to say anything. The few remaining customers snuck out the door, so it was just Holden and I. And a whole bunch of tension.
I picked up the iPod dock to change the music. It didn’t need changing but I needed to focus on something to settle my mind.
"Do you still love rockabilly?" he asked.
"Maybe."
"I bet you do. You're unchangeable. Like a rock. Deep down at the core, you'll always be the same person, Carlie. Steady and true."
What was he implying? That I wouldn't change into someone who hated him? He could rethink that idea. I just gave him a nod but that didn't stop him talking.
"I bet you even have those old records."
That much was true but instead of answering, I did a circle around the room, collecting up the dirty glasses.
Holden jumped up and cleared the tables on the other side. I had to thank him because my manners overruled me.
The bar was lonely without Violet and Jackson and Drew. Just another bar. I put on some electronica just to prove I could change and turned the music up to make it harder for Holden to talk to me. Every time I turned though, Holden still sat there, ogling me.
“That’s really creepy, you know.”
Holden laughed. “I guess it is. But you won’t talk to me so what can I do but look.”