I felt tears sting my eyes as he leaned his head over and I pulled him close. I never would have thought he had gone through such horrors as a child. The Alejandro Castillo I had been spending time with, seemed to kind and fun and gentle to have been subjected to such cruelty. How did he stay this way? I couldn’t imagine how I would have turned out had it happened to me. All he wanted was someone to love him the only way he knew how and he had picked me.
The only problem with our scenario was that I was engaged to be married to a man that I did still love somewhat.
“Te amo princesa,” he whispered. “No puedo evitarlo.”
I pulled back and took his face into my hands. I looked deep into his eyes before I spoke.
“I don’t know what to do right now, Alejandro. I want to stay here with you but I don’t think I can. I want to see where this goes but I don’t think I can. There’s so much I want to do by your side, but I ... I don’t think I can. I feel like absolute shit for doing this to you,” I said with tears forming in my eyes again.
“Don’t feel bad or cry, Liv,” he said pulling me against his sweaty body. “I knew you were committed to another man when I sat next to you on the plane. I knew there was a good chance that being with you intimately probably would not happen, but it did and it was the most amazing feeling I have ever had. I can never thank you or repay you enough for what you have done for me.”
I sniffled.
Mitch had never made me feel as wanted as Alejandro had in a matter of days.
This man was broken and he knew it. He claimed me to be the one to help him without my ever knowing this was his intentions.
“Did I frighten you? Showing up everywhere you and Cassidy were?” he asked.
I laughed and pulled away from him. I wiped the tears from my eyes and smiled at his amused grin.
“Not really. See Cassidy and I have a safe word we worked out years ago in case either of us had ever gotten ourselves into a situation that was too much for us to handle, so I knew that no matter what your size is we’d be able to get away if we needed to,” I replied.
He laughed and I was relieved to see that his hurt and pain from telling me such an important, integral part of his life seemed miles away again.
“Do you believe in love, Livie?” he asked suddenly. “Honest, pure love?”
I looked at the thoughtful look on his face. It seemed like an innocent enough question.
“I like to believe it’s real. I’ve never experienced it before,” I admitted sadly.
“Nor have I. But I like to believe that I can experience it with you,” he replied glancing at me.
“If that’s true,” I began carefully, “Then I have a proposition to make.”
“Tell me.”
“Well, I have about a week or so left in Spain as a whole. I think we should spend the rest of the time apart until my last day here. Just to see if we still feel that it could be possible for us to love each other.”
He looked at me like I had just shattered the perfect world he had already set out for the both of us. I moved to the side and covered myself with the blankets as Alejo stood up and started to pace. I could tell he was contemplating this and it would be a serious decision for him to make.
“One condition,” he said as he stopped to face me.
“Yes?”
“That you make a decision by the time you leave.”
I took a deep breath. I was going to be away from the sweetest temptation I’ve ever had for almost a week and in that time I wouldn’t think about him; I knew it. I would think only of what I was doing as time passed and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
But, nonetheless, I agreed.
“When do we start this separation?” he asked.
“I would think tomorrow would be a good idea,” I said glancing out into the still darkness.
“Good, then I will give you something to think about,” he said as he slid back into the bed with me.
Alejandro spent the next three hours making gentle, sweet love to me.