I wanted to tell her this wasn’t new territory for me and certainly wasn't the first gunshot wound I'd ever received, but that would be opening up a whole new can of worms, and I wasn't quite ready for that yet. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was nine o' clock.
“I need to get going. I need to head over to the hospital to check on Jane. Um, thanks so much for allowing me to explain all of this, Vivienne,” I said. “If it's alright with you, perhaps you would allow me to take you out tomorrow night if Jane is feeling better? I promise I'll make everything up to you.”
She smiled subtly. “Perhaps I'll allow you to do just that,” she said. “But there's something I want to ask you first.”
“Okay. Shoot.”
“Could I come to the hospital with you to visit Jane? Maybe I can help cheer her up. She and I got along so well the other night.”
I smiled. “Sure thing. You ready to go?”
“Yep. Let me just change and get my handbag.”
***
I sat on the hospital bench exhausted and worried. The doctors still hadn't been able to get Jane's condition to improve much. She had been happy to see Vivienne, but the strength and intensity of her fever had soon overwhelmed her.
“I hate to see her like this,” Vivienne remarked. “I can't imagine how worrying and stressful it must be for you, as her father.”
“It is,” I replied. “Believe me, it really is.”
“Can I... can I ask you a question?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Where is Jane's mother?” she asked.
I figured she would have eventually asked about this subject. It was alright; as touchy as it was for me, I was prepared to talk to her about it.
“She was here last night... briefly.”
“Oh.” Vivienne sounded surprised. I imagined, perhaps, that she likely thought that Jane's mother was dead.
“Yeah. Susan – that's her name – she and her boyfriend, Ricky, they stopped by. They were both a little drunk, probably just got out of some damn nightclub.”
“Ah... I see. So, you two are uh, you're divorced?”
“Yeah, we are. Susan walked out of our marriage when Jane was only a few months old. She never could accept that she needed to grow up and be responsible, an
d not even having a child seemed to be able to change her perspective. That jerk she's with, Ricky, he's a promoter for various nightclubs, so they always get in for free and get drinks cheap or free, too. They're both booze hounds; she always did love her drinking, but it got worse after she had Jane. And before you ask, she did somehow manage to stay sober during the pregnancy. I think those were the toughest nine months of her life, though; no bottle to down every night for that long. I think that's what drove her over the edge and made her leave. I wanted her to stay sober. I mean, not be a teetotaler or anything, have a drink once in a while, but not hammering it every night like she was used to doing. She just couldn't do it, though. Just couldn't do it. Having a carefree, party-girl lifestyle was more important to her than me or her own child... so that's what she chose.”
As I had been speaking, Vivienne had slipped her fingers through mine, and now she was squeezing my hand tightly. I looked up and saw her staring at me with tears in her eyes and genuine empathy and compassion written raw across her face.
“I'm so sorry to hear that,” she said. “I know how hard that must be to talk about. I've got a story about my ex as well.”
It felt good to be able to open up about it. Of course, I wasn't ready to disclose everything just yet, and I suspected that she wasn't either, but this was a good start.
“Well, you can tell me,” I said, squeezing her hand softly. “If you want to.”
“I do want to. I’m not really sure why, but I do.”
She paused as though she were trying to muster the courage. So, I gave her hand still entwined with mine a gentle squeeze of reassurance. A moment later, she inhaled deeply and spoke.
“Well, first things first… I have to tell you is that my name isn't Vivienne.”
I sat up straighter, wondering where this was going. “Wait, uh... it isn't?”
“No. Well, it is now. I legally changed it. But my given name is Alicia.”