Damn it! It is Erik; what the hell am I going to do now? I couldn’t exactly just sit there and not talk. I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what I wanted to say.
“Hi,” was all that came out.
“How have you been?”
“Good.”
Words weren’t forming. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t even make a full sentence. I felt like a schoolgirl who had her crush dial her number by accident. I had thought about this moment for months, but in my head I hadn’t been nearly as nervous as I was at that moment.
“Did you find a new job?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m working with my parents for now.”
“That’s good.”
“How are you?” I ventured to ask him, although by the looks of the television clip he was doing very well.
“I’m getting along. It’s tough, but things are good. I told your Dad I wouldn’t be able to come to his party. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s all right. I know you’re busy with your life out there in the movie biz.”
I didn’t know what to say to him. It felt so weird to finally have him on the phone, but I didn’t want to let him go yet. I wanted the conversation to feel like it did when we had been together. I desperately wanted him to just burst out and say how much he missed me or that he wanted me to come see him. It felt like torture to try and have a conversation with him, though, and nothing seemed to be going the way it should have been.
“Actually, I had already promised my father and brother I was going home to visit them again for the holiday weekend. It should be good.”
“So, you guys have officially made up?” I asked as I tried to find more to talk about.
“Yep, things are good between us. I think we might turn out all right after all. I also moved down to Los Angeles; it was necessary for the movie studio thing. So, that’s good.”
Silence filled our conversation. We felt more like strangers than two people who had once had feelings for each other. I blamed myself for the distance. I should have just called him after he left. It had been too long and there was no bringing back the spark that had been between us. And, we certainly couldn’t bring it back if we were on a telephone and not in person.
“Well, I better go. Thanks for talking to my dad,” I said.
“Sure, let’s talk again soon.”
“Sounds good. Later, Erik. Keep taking it day by day.”
And just like that, the phone call was over and I felt even worse than I had felt before. He didn’t even apologize for not calling me the entire time. For all I knew, he had totally forgotten about me and was just happy to be so far away and not have to deal with me.
Tears started to fall down my cheek. I didn’t know why. Erik had been away for a long time already; I had moved past the emotions of him – or at least I thought I had. But the emptiness and awkwardness of our conversation was too raw for me. Whatever it was that we had was definitely not there anymore.
The problem was I felt so much for Erik. I had only sat and waited for his call because I didn’t want to ruin things between us. I had hoped he was working on his treatment program and his new business and was just busy, but clearly he hadn’t thought of me. He probably even thought I was crazy for calling him – or rather my father was crazy.
It was officially over. I was going to have to move on whether I wanted to or not.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Erik
She called me. I hadn’t expected her to call. Well, actually, it was her father who had called. But either way, I was excited to hear from her. Her voice had been so sweet on the phone that it instantly sent me back to when I was with her in Paradise Peak. I even visualized what she looked like and felt how badly I missed her.
After leaving the treatment facility, I had told Spencer what happened between Cassidy and I. I talked about all the plans I had been making in my mind and even about how Cassidy said I should spend six months or so alone and working on my own treatment.
“That’s a smart girl,” he had said. “You need to work on you right now. Don’t call her; don’t deal with all of that. You’ve got to keep yourself on track.”
“Maybe I’ll just call and check in with her,” I had told him.
“No. Call in six months when you’ve got your life together and then see how things are. You’re always rushing things in your life and not everything should be rushed.”