“What?” my mother asked as she turned and looked at Erik like he was from a different planet. “What do you mean?”
Erik looked embarrassed, and my mother certainly wasn’t making things any easier. I didn’t know all that much about his childhood, but it hadn’t sounded like it was the best. I did my best to rescue him from my mother’s sympathetic clutches, but she was one of the biggest fans of Christmas and every holiday movie out there. It was going to be really hard for her to wrap her brain around the fact that Erik hadn’t even heard of the movie before.
“Mom, it’s okay. We’re watching it right now. After tonight, he will have seen it.”
My parents sat on the couch with one of them on either end of it. So, that only left the love seat for Erik and I to sit on. It was a cozy couch without a bunch of extra room, but it would certainly be hard to sit next to Erik and keep my hands to myself. He had just proven that he was tough and sensitive and that really got me.
When Kaitlin and I talked about the perfect guy, I always said I wanted a guy who was sensitive. I didn’t mean that he had to cry all the time and act like a baby. All I meant was that he could see something emotional and actually shed a tear. Or, that he would feel some sort of emotion when things called for it. Too many guys felt like they had to hide their emotions with a stern look. The guy I was looking for in my life would be able to actually show his emotions when the time called for it.
As the movie played, I totally forgot that Erik was sitting next to me because I was so engrossed. But as the ending scene started, I looked over at him to see what sort of emotion he had on his face. It was a scene that even made my father cry when everyone helps out Kris Kringle. But as I turned and looked for the expression on Erik’s face, I quickly realized that he wasn’t even awake.
His head was propped up on his hand, and he was fast asleep. I had no idea how long he had been sleeping, but certainly it was long enough that he was totally out of it. There went all my ideas that he might actually be a sensitive guy. It baffled me that he hadn’t seen the movie before, yet he still fell asleep in the middle of it. How was that even possible?
I tried my best not to react, but the more I thought about, it the angrier I got. He was in my home on Christmas Eve and our thing was to watch a movie together. He couldn’t even respect us enough to stay awake. My blood pressure continued to rise as the movie finished and he still didn’t wake up.
“Looks like he was worn out by the day,” my mother said kindly.
“Yep.”
“I’ll get some sheets and blankets for the couch. I’m really sorry the bedroom is such a mess. Your father started painting it and just hasn’t finished it yet.”
“I didn’t know we were having company,” my father responded loudly enough that Erik finally woke up.
He looked around the room to see if anyone had noticed he was asleep and noticed we were all staring at him. A very uncomfortable silence fell, and I just let it stay there for a little bit. If it had been up to me, I wouldn’t have talked to Erik at all and would have just left him to wonder where we had all gone when we got up and left the room. But it wasn’t up to me, and my mother soon started mothering him, since that was what she did best.
“Hi there. You look like you haven’t been sleeping well. Are you hungry for a snack at all before bed?”
“No, ma’am. I’m all right.”
“I’ll go grab you some sheets. You can sleep on this couch. Santa usually comes a little after midnight, so you’ll be able to get a good glimpse at him.”
My hands flung up to my face to cover my laughter as my mother went on and on about Santa Claus like he was real and he did visit our home. She had always been such a firm believer in Santa, and I had to admit I still liked the idea of him. My mother had made my childhood very wonderful around the holidays.
When my mom finally left the living room with my father behind her, I couldn’t hold the laughter in any longer and burst out. It was so fun to have Erik there with me. Growing up as an only child I often didn’t realize what my family did differently than others around Christmas. I could still remember very clearly the year I had questioned my mother when she talked about Santa Claus. I soon learned that Santa was real because if he wasn’t, that meant I didn’t get presents.
“You better believe in Santa or you’re going to be in trouble.” I giggled.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep during the movie. I think that panic attack totally wiped me out. I’m exhausted.”
He apologized. Now how am I supposed to stay mad at him? I couldn’t; I had to let it go. I had experienced a few panic attacks when I was going through treatment and even for a few months afterward. They were exhausting. My body would get all tensed up, and then when I finally calmed down, all I wanted to do was sleep.
A lot of people ended up taking anti-anxiety medication to deal with their panic attacks, but I always believed it would be best for me to learn how to calm myself down. I didn’t want to rely on medication to get my body back in control. I had already spent so long using alcohol as my own personal anti-anxiety liquid. As much as possible, I avoided all medications. I didn’t even take Tylenol unless I really couldn’t stand my headache.
“It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll sleep well.”
“Cassidy, I really did have a great time tonight. It might not have seemed like it, but this is as close to a family Christmas I’ve had in a very long time. It was great.”
“Here you go, some blankets and sheets for you,” my mother said as she handed a very large stack of items to Erik. “Hopefully, you won’t get too cold.”
“I know; the weather here is freezing compared to San Francisco. I can’t wait to get home and jump in my nice warm pool.”
My eyes got larger than I thought physically possible as Erik spoke and totally blew his cover. He hadn’t remembered the story I told my mother, at all. He wasn’t supposed to be from California; he was supposed to be from New York. He certainly wasn’t supposed to have enough money for a home and a pool, otherwise why would he need a bed to sleep on for the night?
It took my mother a moment to register what was going on, and I saw the flash of recognition as it hit her. She held herself together very nicely and simply requested that I come and talk with her in five minutes.
I hated when she did that. Five minutes was her rule because she wanted to calm down and talk to my father before she yelled at me. Even though I was clearly an adult, I still felt like a naughty teenage now that I was caught in a lie.
“I’m sorry,” Erik winced.