I said nothing as I downed my beer in three swallows and tapped the bar for another round. KO refilled my glasses and stood silently waiting for an answer.
“Are you saying this is all my fault?” I finally asked.
“I’m not, but I think you are,” she said, as several guys entered the bar and sat down next to the old guys at the other end. KO left me sitting there brooding while she went to take their drink orders.
“What do you mean I think it’s my fault?” I asked when she returned.
“I mean, I think you feel guilty for not being able to read a teenager’s mind and for going on a date with Emily the night that Nina ran away,” she said. She waited for her words to sink in, and then leaned across the bar and added, “And I think it’s a lot easier for you to blame Emily so you can run away from what you feel about her.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, looking away. I did know what she was talking about, but I hadn’t yet admitted it to myself, so hearing her say it was unsettling.
KO opened her mouth to say something else, then closed it and walked away. I tossed back the second whiskey and was halfway through the beer when Tony came bursting through the door hollering, “Bartender, pour me a beer! We’re gonna celebrate tonight!”
Tony slapped me on the back as he shed his coat and took a seat on the stool next to me.
“What are we celebrating, man?” I asked without enthusiasm.
“I’m gonna be a dad!” Tony said happily.
“So, you got laid, did you?” I chuckled. “Congratulations, buddy.”
“Thanks. Anita and I talked it over, and we found a middle ground, man,” he nodded. “And I gotta tell you, it’s been damn good since then.”
“Imagine that,” I said without enthusiasm. “Talking it over solves the problems.”
“Yeah, man, it sure does,” he said, giving me a confused look. “What’s going on with you?”
“Eh, Remy,” I said, without elaborating. KO pushed Tony’s beer down the bar and left us alone.
“What’s she done now?” he asked, before downing half the beer.
“She’s filed a petition to get sole custody of Nina,” I said. “She blames me for what happened, and says I’m an irresponsible parent who can’t be trusted to raise our daughter.”
“That’s bullshit!” Tony yelled. “What the fuck is wrong with that woman?”
“I don’t know, maybe she’s right, you know?” I said glumly.
“She’s not right, B,” Tony protested. “You’re a great dad. She’s just mad that Nina’s growing up and you can’t control her.”
“How the hell did you arrive at that conclusion?” I asked frowning at him.
“Man, I was a teenager once, too,” he laughed. “I can’t believe you don’t remember what that felt like! To want to be grown up and make your own decisions, and to be pissed off when your parents wouldn’t let you.”
“My parents never stopped us from making decisions,” I said, thinking about how I’d never rebelled against my parents because I’d never had to.
“Then you’re one lucky son of a bitch,” Tony laughed. “The rest of us have had to forge our own paths in the face of resistance.”
“But I never resisted Nina,” I said angrily. “I’ve let her do what she wanted to do — within reason.”
“No, you’re a good dad,” Tony agreed. “But have you ever thought about the fact that maybe you’re the good parent and Remy’s the one who is irresponsible?”
“What t
he fuck?”
“C’mon, man, she’s got an iron fist when it comes to Nina,” he said, shaking his head. “Maybe she’s the one whose not doing the parenting thing right. Think about it.”
I nodded but said nothing. Until Tony said it, the fact that Remy might be the bad parent had not crossed my mind, but it didn’t change the fact that Emily was the one who’d made the decision to keep vital information from me.