“Aw, c’mon, Dad, don’t be such a stick in the mud,” she chided. “I just want to make sure that you’re being safe, sane, and consensual about things.”
“Where the hell are you getting this stuff?” I asked, feeling profoundly uncomfortable and decidedly reassured that my daughter had listened to her mother and I over the years, and had retained the basics of the lessons we’d agreed to teach.
“You and Mom have been lecturing me on safe, sane, and consensual since I was five,” she said, as if she’d read my mind. “And I’ve been reading those books you keep stored on the high shelf in the living room.”
“Good Lord, those aren’t for teenagers,” I said, wondering which ones she’d read and hoping they’d been the milder tomes.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t dig into the hardcore stuff, I just stuck with the basics,” she said, giving me a look that told me she knew what I was thinking. “God, you really do think I’m like 10, don’t you? I’m old enough to surf the web for porn, Dad. Don’t you think I’d have some questions that need answering?”
“Yeah, but I thought your mother would have taken charge of those lessons,” I said, shifting in my seat as I wavered between wanting her to feel like she could ask me anything and not wanting to discuss either one of our sex lives over lunch.
“Unlikely,” Nina said, rolling her eyes. “She gave me the standard responsible sex talk a few months ago, and asked if I needed to get on birth control, but she doesn’t want to answer any of my more emotional questions about sex.”
“And you want me to?” I asked.
“Oh God, no! That’s gross, Dad!” she exclaimed. “I’m not talking to you about my non-existent sex life!”
“Non-existent?” I echoed.
“You heard me,” she said dryly. “No boyfriend, no sex. In fact, if you want to know the truth, I’m sick of people in high school. They’re idiots.”
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s going on?” I asked, feeling concerned. “I thought you were friends with Skylar and Chelsea. What happened to them?”
“They went boy crazy, that’s what happened,” she said, rolling her eyes. “They flaked on me because they have boyfriends and they want to spend all their time with them now.”
“Well, that’s kind of normal, don’t you think?” I asked.
“No, I don’t think it’s normal,” she retorted. “I think it’s being a shitty friend, is what I think it is.”
“Nina, language,” I warned.
“Said the pot calling the kettle black?” she asked, in a way that made me chuckle. “I’m just saying that it’s Christmas break and I don’t have anyone to do anything with because all of my friends are hanging out with their boyfriends and ignoring me!”
“I’m sorry, Punkin,” I said, earning an annoyed look. “I know it’s hard to be left out, but I’m sure there are things you can do this week that don’t involve the girls, right?”
“Like what?” she asked.
“I don’t know, but we’ll figure something out, I promise,” I said, wracking my brain to try and figure out what she could do while I was at work.
“Great, I’m going to spend the whole break with my father,” she lamented dramatically. “I’m such a loser!”
“Hey, I’m a great catch, I’ll have you know!” I objected.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she said, rolling her eyes again. “Can we go shopping?”
“Wait, I’m offering a solution to the problem, and I’m going to get stuck with the bill for the retail therapy?” I asked. Nina laughed as I signaled the server to bring the check.
We spent the afternoon wandering up and down the mall as Nina looked for various things that she insisted she absolutely couldn’t live without. My sympathy extended from my wallet to the register in several places, and Nina left the mall smiling as several large shopping bags swung on her arms.
At home, she headed straight for her room to try everything on again and play with her hair. I picked up my phone and saw a message from Emily, “Long day running errands and talking with the insurance company. I could use some wine about now!” I laughed and dialed her number.
“Hey, how was your day?” she asked, as she picked up the phone.
“Not bad. I spent it with a grumpy 16-year-old who has been abandoned by her best friends,” I said. “But I think we found middle ground somewhere between my Visa and Mastercard.”
“Ah, retail therapy; I know it well!” Emily laughed. “That stinks about her friends, but that’s the high school thing. They haven’t yet learned to balance friends and lovers. It’s difficult.”
“Indeed,” I said, as I thought about what Nina might be able to do without friends. “Any ideas as to what she could do on her own while I’m at work? Something productive, maybe?”