The only slightly awkward moment came when the waitress left our check.
“I know this isn’t a date,” Jay said, “but at least let me get the bill.”
“No, no, I’ve got cash on me; we can split it,” I said.
We squabbled over it for a few more seconds until he finally relented. “You know,” he said, as he slid his wallet back into the rear pocket of his pants, “whoever this guy was that broke up with you—he’s a bona fide fool.”
I felt myself blush a little. “That’s nice of you to say,” I said.
“Well, I mean it.”
There was a pause, and that would’ve been the time to kiss. It could have happened; even though we had laid the ground rules when we’d first arrived at the restaurant, I could’ve leaned in a little, and he would’ve kissed me; I knew it. I liked him, too—just not in that way. Would it make me feel better to tell him I had changed my mind, that I wanted to sleep with him, to take me back to his place that very instant? Maybe. Or maybe not, I didn’t know, but tonight would not be the night to find out.
After I said goodnight to Jay, I realized that I actually did feel better, despite the fact that we weren’t going to have sex. It had just been nice to be out somewhere, talking with someone, and it had taken my mind off of Cole.
When I pulled into the driveway, though, I saw that his garage door was open, the light was on. He was probably in there working on his bike or something, and I tried to ignore the urge I had to run over there and see him.
The next morning, I slept late. It was Saturday, I didn’t have any plan for the day, and as I dozed, I was vaguely aware that I could faintly hear Cole and Declan outside. Their voices sort of infiltrated my dreams, though when I finally got up and looked out the window, his car was gone.
Of course I was wondering where he went, though I also felt a little bit of relief that he wasn’t there and maybe would be gone the whole day. It was such a strange paradox of feelings, wanting to see him yet not wanting to have to go through the awkwardness of an actual encounter. I hated that it was this way between us now, that something could go from being so wonderful to almost unbearable in the blink of an eye.
I was making coffee when I heard a knock at the door. I glanced outside again as I went to answer it; Cole’s driveway was still empty. So at least I knew it wasn’t him.
It was Ben.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Way to make a guy feel welcome,” he said, though he had a smile on his face. “Are you busy? I wanted to talk for a minute, if you weren’t.”
“Come on in.” I stepped aside as he came in. His bike was leaning against the oak tree in the front yard. “You rode here?”
“Yeah.”
“Cole’s not home.”
“I can see that, but I’m not actually here to see him.”
I sighed. “Would you like some coffee?”
“Nah, I’m good. Thanks, though.” He went over and leaned against the counter. “Listen, Allie,” he said. “I normally wouldn’t get involved like this, because really, it’s not my business. I feel kind of funny coming here to talk to you about this anyway, but... I’ll just put it to you like this: Cole’s not doing so great. He’s going through the motions and everything, and if you asked him, he’d probably say that he was fine, but I’ve known the dude practically my whole life, and I can tell when there’s something off. And there’s definitely something off.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Okay,” I said. “I’m not sure what it is you expect me to do with this information.”
“Uh, duh, Allie...you need to talk with him and reconcile. I’ve never seen the man happier than when he was with you.”
I felt simultaneously incredibly sad and very happy to hear him say that. Then I remembered that we weren’t together, and the sadness eclipsed any happiness.
“You probably should just stay out of it,” I said. “There’s not going to be any reconciliation; he made himself pretty clear. I’m not going to go and beg him to get back together with him. I’ve still got a little dignity left.”
“I don’t think you’d have to grovel or anything. I think if you just went over there and told him that you miss him and still want to be with him, then that’s all it would take.”
“But what if I don’t want to be with him?”
Ben regarded me, one eyebrow slightly raised. “I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t really care if you don’t believe me or not; the fact of the matter is Cole broke up with me, and I’ve been actively trying to get over it ever since. So you coming here out of the blue and telling me that I need to go talk to him and ask him to get back together is complete bullshit. In fact, if that’s the only reason why you’re here, then I think you should probably leave.” My voice had risen with each word, and by the time I finished talking, I was practically yelling at him, which I felt bad about. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to yell at you like that.”
He waved me off. “It’s okay; I’m used to girls yelling at me.”