“At least text me when you get back so I know that you made it home safely,” my mother said.
“I will. And thank you for letting me come down here.”
“Of course! Whenever you feel like you need to get away for a little while, just give me a call, okay? I mean that.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I gave her one last hug and then got into my car.
As I drove, though, I didn’t feel much better than I had when I’d been driving down there. It had been silly to think that just having some distance between us would somehow make things better, would make it hurt less, because that simply wasn’t the case at all. And suddenly, the idea of living in a small town didn’t seem so great. Even if I were to move out of my current house, chances were good I’d run into him around town. Declan only had another month at the Learning Center, and then he’d be moving on to kindergarten, so I wasn’t too worried about seeing him at work, but if I stayed in Chapin, it seemed inevitable that we would see each other.
But it seemed sad to think of leaving both the house and the town that I’d actually become quite fond of.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I turned down the road and saw that Cole’s car wasn’t in the driveway.
That relief was short-lived, though, because as I was getting my bag out of the back seat, his car turned down the road, and there was no way I was going to be able to avoid seeing him.
I took a deep breath even though it felt like my insides were quaking. Just be normal. This repeated over and over in my head as I extracted my bag from the car, slung it over my shoulder, and walked toward the front door. Too late did I realize that I’d left my purse in the car, with my keys, and the front door was locked. I raised a hand to wave, trying to seem nonchalant. I wasn’t actually looking at Cole, more in the general direction of the car, so I wasn’t totally sure if and when he had waved back or not. But the window in the back seat was down, and I could hear Declan yelling my name.
Cole turned into his driveway and parked the car, and Declan was scrambling out probably before he even had the keys out of the ignition. I had started to walk back to my own car to retrieve the keys.
“Miss Allie!” Declan said, and he ran over to my driveway. “Where have you been? I was wondering where you were, and I kept asking my dad, but he didn’t know!”
He stood there, hands on hips, looking at me expectantly. “I’m sorry,” I said, all the while aware that Cole had gotten out of the car but hadn’t come over. I could tell that he wasn’t sure whether he should or not, and he was kind of lingering by the car, glancing our direction. “I went down to see my mom,” I said. “I stayed down there for a little while.”
“Oh,” Declan said. “Did you go to LEGOLAND?”
“No...we wouldn’t have gone without you.”
“Well, when are we going to go?”
Cole must’ve been able to hear some of what we were saying because he walked over, a slightly pained expression on his face.
“Hey, Allie,” he said. He put his hand on Declan’s shoulder. “Come on, bud, let’s give Allie some space, okay? She just got back and probably wants to get inside and unpack and everything.”
“Can you come over and eat dinner with us?” Declan asked.
“Buddy,” Cole said. “Tonight’s not a good night.”
I felt relieved that he was answering, because I didn’t know what to say. Just being this close to Cole was difficult; I wanted to jump into his arms and give him a huge kiss, I wanted to feel his hands on my body, I just wanted to be near him. And knowing that I couldn’t be, knowing that that wasn’t allowed anymore, was basically akin to torture.
“I’ve got a lot of unpacking to do,” I told Declan.
He eyed my bag, which wasn’t that big, but he didn’t say anything. I could feel Cole’s eyes on me, and I was afraid that if I looked up and met his gaze, I would burst into tears. And I was not going to cry in front of him.
“I better get going,” I finally managed to say. “You two have a good night.”
“We will,” Cole said softly. “You, too.”
I knew he was watching me as I walked away, and I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other and not turn around, not look over my shoulder, not do anything except get my purse out of the car, find my keys, and let myself into the house.
Inside, the house felt stale, unlived in, like I’d been gone a lot longer than a few days. There was a glass and a cereal bowl still sitting in the sink, a magazine that I’d tried to read when I’d been eating breakfast sitting there, open, on the kitchen table. I left my bag and purse in the hallway and went around, opening windows, trying to let some fresh air in. But now with the windows open, I could hear Cole and Declan from the backyard; it sounded like they were playing whiffle ball.
“Good hit!” I distinctly heard Cole yell.
I went into the bathroom and took a long shower. So long that I did not get out until the hot water turned icy cold. At least by then I figured they’d be inside; it was dark, and Declan would probably be going to bed soon. And if it was quiet and I didn’t overhear them playing outside, I could at least try to pretend that they weren’t there.
Chapter Thirty
Cole