“I have definitely never been in love before,” I said. “Is that really what this is?”
“Of course. And why not? I’ve seen the two of you together; you guys definitely have some serious chemistry. Which is awesome. In fact, I’d even say I’m a little jealous. Everyone would be, though. Cole is so hot.”
I felt myself blush a little, and I took a sip of my wine. Just talking about it made me feel giddy, and I remembered, in high school, the way some girls would get sometimes, around certain boys, their laughter, the way they couldn’t get the grins off their faces...at the time, I’d wondered what the hell was wrong with them, but now, it seemed I understood.
“Have either of you... you know, said it yet?” Amy asked.
“Said what? I love you? No. I mean, it seems a little soon for that, don’t you think?”
She shrugged. “I don’t like to be put a timeline on it. Like, it’s okay to say it after three months? Six months? Six weeks? I think it depends on each situation.”
“Well, this is the first time that I’ve ever been in this situation.”
“Really, what I mean is that you should say it when you feel it. I went out with this guy once, and I think we dated for about seven months. I liked him, but I wasn’t in love with him, so I never said it. That didn’t stop him from saying it, though.”
“Ooh,” I said, wincing. “Yeah. That must’ve been a little awkward.”
“It was. I had to pretend that I didn’t hear him, and luckily, he didn’t try saying it again.” She laughed. “Not my proudest moment, but yeah, it is wicked awkward if you say it and the person doesn’t feel the same way! That always seems to happen with me. I’m ready to say it and the guy isn’t, or vice versa.”
“I don’t want that to happen.”
“I don’t think it will. I’m not a mind reader or anything, but you and Cole just really seem to be on the same page. I would be very surprised if you said it to him, and he didn’t say it back.”
I finished my glass of wine, and when the waitress came over and asked if I wanted another, I said yes. I didn’t know if I was ready to say it out loud yet. I’d never been in love with anyone before, and though it was definitely exhilarating, there was a tiny part of me that was afraid of it, too. Because everything I was feeling right now seemed to be magnified, seemed bigger, seemed more intense, and what if I said it to Cole, and he pretended he didn’t hear me? Or told me that, while he did like me, he wasn’t in love with me?
I gulped down half my glass of wine after the waitress dropped it off. “You know, I think I might just hold off,” I said. “I don’t know if I have the nerve to do it yet.”
“It can be kind of nerve-wracking,” Amy said. “But I really don’t think that you have anything to worry about in terms of him not feeling the same way.”
“I hope you’re right,” I said.
I stopped drinking after I finished that second glass of wine because I wanted to be able to drive home and not put anyone else’s life in danger. Once I was home, though, I rummaged through the fridge and got out the bottle of Pinot Grigio I had bought the last time I went to town to grocery shop. I didn’t have any wine glasses, so I drank out of an old jelly jar.
I sat out on the deck, bringing the bottle of wine with me. I wouldn’t drink the whole thing, but I would allow myself another glass or two. The air still felt so hot and heavy, even though the sun had set a while ago.
I wouldn’t go over to Cole’s, I told myself, unless I saw the garage light go on. It was late enough that I knew Declan would be in bed, sound asleep, but I wasn’t going to go over there and knock on the door. If I saw the light go on in the garage, though, I’d know that he was out there, probably working on his bike or something, and I could at least go over and say hi.
I ended up drinking two more jelly jars of wine. I didn’t realize how tipsy I was until I went to stand up and go back inside. How much had I had at dinner? I couldn’t remember. A couple, I thought. I wasn’t completely obliterated, but I was definitely buzzed. I was about to go in through the slider door when I looked over to Cole’s and saw that the garage light was in fact on, and a rectangle of yellow light was spilling out onto the driveway. Meaning, not only was he out there, but the garage door was open.
I nearly tripped and fell as I navigated the deck steps, and then almost fell again, this time into the blueberry bushes that separated our two yards. When I finally untangled myself, I stood there for a moment, trying to get my bearings. I took a deep breath and then continued my journey to his garage. He was coming out right as I stepped onto the driveway.
“Oh, hey,” he said. “I thought I heard something out here.”
“That would be me,” I said. “Falling into the blueberry bushes.”
He had an amused look on his face. “Party for one over there tonight?” he asked.
“It would’ve been a party for two if you had come over,” I said. “I would’ve liked that very much.”
“I would have, too. My invitation must’ve gotten lost in the mail.”
I went right over to him and put my hand on his chest, feeling his smooth muscles underneath his T-shirt. “It’s an open invitation for you,” I said. “Or standing invitation. Or whatever the correct term is. You can come over any time that you want.”
“Why, thank you,” he said. I felt his arm encircle my waist, and I tilted my head back a little to look at him. I started to laugh. “Do I have something stuck on my face?” he asked.
“No,” I said, between fits of giggles. “I was just thinking that we probably looked like the cover of one of those romance novels you can buy at the grocery store. You know, the damsel pressing herself up against the big strong man, the wind blowing their hair.” My hair was, in fact, getting blown back from the fan he had running on his work bench. “This is probably a very photogenic moment right now.”
“You’re no damsel in distress, though,” he said. “Well, maybe at this moment you are. You seem a little...intoxicated.”