“I got caught up in all that stuff for a time, but really, I hated it. All the partying I did and the craziness, it was just to cover up how deeply unhappy I felt out there. That's why I came back to Florida. I needed a fresh start, I needed to not have all that garbage in my life any more. I needed to live a life true to myself – and I couldn't do that there.
“But you – you represent everything good about who I am and who I really want to be. You're just this naturally beautiful, unpretentious, kind, generous woman. You work so hard, and you're so focused and selfless. In fact, you're everything that the girls who were after me on the West Coast are not. And that makes me even more madly attracted to you.”
She nodded, still smiling. “Wow...thank you for all the compliments, Wade. They do mean a lot to me. And, you've been so kind and so generous, helping me out not only with all the car stuff, but with my mom and her health issues, as well. Not to mention, of course, the fact that you're a great coach, who has not only inspired me, but everyone else on the team, to work super hard and be the best players we could be.
“But what really changed my mind and amplified my attraction to you was your generosity and selfless kindness.”
I was touched by her honesty and her compliments. “I'm glad you saw past the surface noise and gave me a chance to prove I wasn’t that guy.”
“So am I. But, I’m not so sure it was just the surface noise that made me think that way. I think part of it was me,” she said.
“How so?” I asked.
“Well, to explain that, I think that I have to tell you a little about my relationship with Tim,” she said. “Just to give you some context, really.”
“All right, you can go ahead and tell me if you want.”
“I loved him, I did. But he totally played me, badly. I guess I fell for him for all the wrong reasons. He swept me off my feet when we first met
. I mean, he was such a charmer. As a narcissist, he's perfected that act, I can tell you that.
“So, he used his good looks and charm to manipulate me. I was having thoughts of he and I spending the rest of our lives together, but he was sleeping with every other girl on campus.”
“Oh, man, I'm really sorry to hear that. He sounds like a real dirt bag.”
“Oh, he was…is, trust me. I have no illusions about that now – I just feel ashamed that he had me fooled for so long.”
“It's nothing to be ashamed of, Eryn. Guys like him are experts at keeping women in the dark. They've got it down to a fine art,” I tried to reassure her.
“I still feel like I should have known better.”
“You can't blame yourself, though. You really can't.”
“I know that, but it took… Well, it’s still taking time to accept that. And, to get myself to the point where I can fully trust a guy again. It isn't easy you know, especially when, uh, when he’s a drop dead gorgeous guy…good looking, just like Tim.”
“But I'm not like him, at all. I guarantee you that.”
“I can see that now,” she said. “But you have to understand that once a person's trust has been totally crushed like that, it takes a little time to allow oneself to trust fully again.”
“I understand. And I'm not saying we should jump into anything – but I am saying that these feelings I have for you are real. And, they are intense. I don't think I can deny them or keep them bottled up for much longer. I meant it when I said I haven't felt this way about a woman before.”
“And, I haven't felt this way about a guy for a very long time, either.”
We both sat in silence for a while, each thinking on the other's words. “So,” I said eventually, “what are we gonna do about this?”
“I don't want it to end,” she said, and I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was serious about that. “I really don't want it to end. It feels so wonderful. It’s the most honest feeling I’ve ever had with a man.”
“I totally agree. But there's the whole...you know, coach and player thing.”
“I know. So, I guess what we have to do is, well, keep this secret,” she sighed. “I really don't like keeping secrets.”
“We don't have any other choice, though,” I said. “It's either keep this secret – or not have it at all. And the last thing I am going to do is put you in a position that could be harmful to you in any way. I’m not going to try to talk you into that. I care too much about you.”
We both sat quietly. “I care about you, too,” she said. “And, I'm willing to give it a try if you are.”
A surge of what I could only describe as pure joy rushed through my heart. “I'm absolutely one hundred percent willing to give it a try and to keep it a total secret. I want this – you and I – more than anything. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since long before that first kiss.”
She smiled and squeezed my hand tighter. “I do, too, Wade. I do, too.”