“Yeah, I think there’s some old scotch in the liquor cabinet.”
“Grab it. Drink a swig. It will give you the liquid courage you need to relax. Remember, this is just a date, and he is probably more nervous than you are.”
“That’s not possible.”
“Oh, it is. A guy like him might look like he has his life totally together, but you just never know what is really going on. You should treat him like he was out in his car just as nervous as you are right now.”
“Okay, I’m pouring a drink right now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, or later tonight if things go terribly wrong.”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she said calmly.
I poured at least two shots, possibly three, into a small glass and downed the strong alcohol quickly. The liquid burned going down, and I quickly filled the cup with water and drank that, as well.
The warmth of the alcohol was instantly calming to me. It soothed my nerves just like Mattie had said and I took a few deep breaths just to help the process along a little. I heard his car pull up and slipped my shoes on and waited for him to knock. As I waited, I felt the alcohol working its way through me and a heavy buzz set in. It had been a long time since I had taken three shots of alcohol.
When he knocked, I felt myself jump a little, but then I quickly went to the door. My hand stayed on the handle for a second while I let him wait and I tried to gather myself. I wasn’t having much luck gathering my emotions, though, and I started to giggle before Brandon had the chance to even say hello.
“Either I look really silly in this suit, or someone was getting a little liquid courage before I got here.”
“Is it that obvious?” I asked.
“Do I make you that nervous?”
“I wasn’t nervous,” I said totally unconvincingly. “Okay, yes, you make me nervous. Like sweating to death nervous, and I had a drink. Now can we stop talking about it because you’re making me even more nervous.”
“That dress is one hell of a dress,” Brandon said as he obliged me and changed the subject. “We better get going; the traffic is going to be difficult tonight.”
He gallantly held his arm out for me to grab onto and we walked out to a black hired car. The driver was waiting by the door and smiled at us as I climbed in followed by Brandon. I’d never been on a date that started with a chauffeur before, but then again, I’d never dated a man who owned an island, either. I was doing a lot of new and different things with this guy by my side.
Brandon was something else than I had imagined for myself. His softness was hidden under the confidence that he displayed outwardly for all to see. Yet I saw his softness before I had noticed his rugged, manly side. Even my first glance at his profile made me think he was a gentle soul.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to the theater,” I softly spoke as the car pulled away from my house. “Probably since Spencer and I were dating. Gosh, I’m sorry I keep talking about him. That’s not fair; I’ll try to do better.”
Spencer had been my whole life. I knew I had the horrible habit of talking about him when I was on a date; even when I was being hit on by men in the bars, I always ended up referencing my late husband. It wasn’t like I was comparing others to him, and I didn’t do it for sympathy. I genuinely just thought of Spencer when I remembered some of my favorite times from my past.
“You can talk about him whenever you want. I know we are just getting to know each other, and I’m really glad you feel comfortable enough to talk freely about your life,” he said. “Maybe someday I’ll feel as strong as you and talk about Noah.”
My heart dropped out of my chest, onto the ground, and felt like it was run over by our car as I thought of Brandon’s son. It was his reality, and never would I want him or anyone else I was friends with to stop talking about a loss they had, but it took the wind out of my sails to think of those emotions, even for one second.
I sweetly grabbed his hand and held it while we continued our ride to the theater. I didn’t dare try to talk because I felt the tears welling up and my ability to hold them back was only there because I wasn’t trying to make words. My son was my world now, and it was just impossible for me to think of how broken of a person I would be if anything ever happened to him.
Silence was a difficult thing for me most of the time – that was probably why Mattie and I got along so well. She always was filling the silent moments with lots of funny remarks. When I withdrew and got sad, she was right there with a cute story or a funny joke; it was my safety net against the dangerous quiet that often brought sadness.
But as I sat with Brandon, I was strangely unafraid of the silence that filled the space between us. It didn’t feel awkward or scary; instead, I was comforted by how my hand in his was able to calm my emotions.
The only other human on earth who had the ability to calm me so quickly was Connor. When he was near and his sweet eyes looked at me, I knew that everything was going to be better than my imagination was allowing it to be. Connor’s optimism was refreshing and his view on life made it difficult for me to wallow in self-pity.
That was the innocence of a child, though; they hadn’t been corrupted by doubt and hurt yet. Even though Connor had lost his father, he was much too young to know what life was like in any other circumstances than the one he lived in. To him, it was normal for families to watch old videos of their dead loved one, it was normal for his mother to be found crying while reading an old letter, and it was perfectly normal to spend his Sunday mornings visiting a gravestone to tell his father about his week at school.
I
was lost in my thoughts as Brandon leaned in and kissed me on the cheek to pull me back to the current moment. He didn’t say a word, just a simple and gentle kiss was all I needed and I was there with him again.
“I’m excited to see this show. I don’t get to come to the theater as much as I’d like because most of my friends don’t have time.”
“Mattie doesn’t have time?” he asked.
“Okay, she has time, she just hates the theater, opera, and anything else that requires her to pay attention for long periods of time.”