She took a deep breath finally and said, “I care so much about you, Jace. I would never do anything to compromise your life. I told you leaving was up to you. I meant that.”
“Then if you didn’t, who did, Daphne? Who else knew?”
Her eyes widened, and I could see the exact moment she made the connection. “I told my friend Bethany.”
“The one you work with?”
She nodded. “She swore to me she wouldn’t tell anyone.” Daphne was on the verge of tears. I hated that my anger was making her cry, but I was still too upset to come outside of myself and comfort her. “I begged her not to tell. She promised me…”
I couldn’t believe she told anyone, but at the same time, who was I to judge? I told my brothers because I needed to tell someone…she probably did it for the same reason. “You didn’t tell her on purpose, did you? To get me forced out so that you and I could be together?”
Now she really looked like she wanted to cry. I didn’t think her tears were from sadness, though. I think she was just so angry with me for the accusations.
“How could you think that? You say you thought I cared about you? I thought you cared about me! How could you even consider that I would be that devious?”
I took a deep breath. She was right. It would hurt me if she accused me of something like that. I was just overwhelmed and frightened. I was taking it out on her. “I’m sorry; I don’t think you’re devious at all. I had a bad day and there are going to be a lot more to come. I’m sorry I took it out on you.”
“What happened?”
“The bishop came in with his investigators. They said they had a report that I’d been dating and having sexual relations with a woman. I didn’t confirm or deny it; I just said I would cooperate with the investigation. They have suspended me in the meantime.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. I could see the wheels turning in her head and finally, she said, “Were you still thinking about leaving…and us being together?”
“Yes, but I wanted to leave on good terms. I still wanted to be able to practice my Catholicism without being looked on like a pariah. I also didn’t want you drug into the latest gossip binge.”
“How would they prove it?”
I shrugged. “If you deny it, then they can’t.”
“Then I’ll just deny it.”
“But, they’ll be expecting it. So then, they’ll interview parishioners and other clergy and your name will be dragged through the mud in the process. I don’t want you to have to go through that.”
“What are your options?”
“I can take my chances and wait for them to finish the investigation, which will probably go on for months. I can tell the truth, and if I don’t accept retreat and counseling, then I’ll be stripped of my vows. Or, I can bow out before any of this happens.”
“What do you mean, ‘bow out’?”
“Tell them that the priesthood isn’t for me, anyways, and that I’d like to save them an investigation and scandal.”
“So, which do you think is your best option?”
“I really don’t know,” I told her.
Chapter Forty-Five
Daphne
Jace and I talked for a long time. By the time I left, I’m sure he had no doubts that I didn’t do this maliciously. But, he was still worried about how it would all come out and torn up about what to do about it.
I hated seeing him that way. I felt helpless and really angry with Bethany for stabbing me in the back. I called her as soon as I got home, but she didn’t answer. I left her a message and just asked her to call me back. I didn’t want to ask her anything in a message. I wanted to hear her voice when she told me that she did this, and why.
The next morning as I was straightening up after breakfast, she called me back. “Hey, girl! What are you doing?”
“I’m just straightening up, what about you?”
“I just came from my work-out. It was a good one today. It kicked my butt, though.”