“Yeah well, she should know better, right?”
I thought about Jace and I. Of course he hadn’t had any condoms handy that night. Why would a priest need them? It’s good and bad. Good because I at least knew he wasn’t ready to screw on demand and bad because I was so drunk I let him screw me without a condom.
Leave it to me to get pregnant my first time out. I really am the kettle calling the pot black though, because the next thing I said was, “Yeah, you would think she would know better. So does his wife know now?”
“Not so far, but I’m watching the drama unfold. I don’t think Laura will sit back quietly and raise the baby alone, so the wife will find out soon enough. I’ve been going to church every Sunday, hoping it’ll happen there.”
“Carla!”
She laughed. “It’s the only excitement we have in our stupid neighborhood, don’t deny me. If it happens somewhere else, I’ll have to hear about it second hand and I’ll never get all of the details.” I just laughed and shook my head at her. She took a sip of her drink and said, “So what’s new with you?”
“Let’s keep talking about you,” I told her with a grin. “I’ll need another margarita or two before it’s my turn. Tell me about the new boyfriend.”
Her face brightened visibly as she said, “Baby girl, this one is it! I’m telling you, he is the sweetest man in the world. He has a real job. He has his own place. He’s never been married, no kids. He’s hot to look at and an animal in the sack!”
I was laughing again. “He sounds perfect. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“He does sound perfect, doesn’t he? At first, I was suspicious. I mean, you know me. I don’t date perfect. I date weirdos who live in mom and dad’s basement and freaks with deviant sexual fetishes.”
“Really? Who had a deviant sexual fetish?”
“Al, remember? The salesman who comes into the diner a couple times a month?”
“Al? The really nice-looking guy who wears the expensive business suits?”
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
“You didn’t tell me you went out with him.”
“Really? Maybe that’s because we only had two dates. The second one ended with us in bed and me getting the hell out of there as fast as I could.”
“I’m afraid to ask…”
“He had two dogs. He loved them both very much…very, very much.” She was curling her lip. I was awfully naïve, so it took me a minute
“You mean he wanted you to…you and the dogs?”
“Yeah, sickening, isn’t it? He thought I would want to be a part of that sick love triangle. I told him I hope one of them bites it off…and then I ran like hell. He hasn’t come back in the diner, thank God! Man I tell you, Daph, I can sure pick ‘em.”
“You do have a history,” I said with a wink. “But the one you have now is good, so you must be getting better.”
“True, Levi is incredible. He makes me feel so special and nobody has ever satisfied me sexually the way he does. Girl, he can go all night. I’m screaming out with my fourth or fifth orgasm before he finally comes. By that time, I’m delirious.”
I had no idea what having sex all night would be like, but I smiled and acted like I was impressed. The waiter brought our meals when she was talking about having four or five orgasms. He grinned and practically had his tongue hanging out when he asked her boobs if he could get them anything else.
She said, “Hey. buddy! I’m up here.” He looked at her face and turned red. Carla winked at him and said, “I think we’re good, but we’ll yell out your name if we need you…Carl.” She said “Carl” in a breath sigh. I think I could see his erection sprout. I couldn’t help it, I giggled. Carl turned bright red and scurried away.
“Carla!” I said, laughing.
“Well, if he can’t take it, he shouldn’t be staring at my boobs. You need your big boy pants on to stare at these babies.” We both laughed at that and then while we ate, she said, “Okay now, it’s your turn. You’re holding out on me. How’s the priest?”
“Shh!” Carla had no idea how loud she talks, and she learned nothing from the waiter that just overheard her. I looked around to make sure the people at the other tables weren’t listening and I said, “Call him Jace here, please.”
She rolled her eyes and in an exaggerated whisper, she said, “Okay, how is Jace?” Then, in another exaggerated whisper, she said, “The priest,” and she cackled. She cracks herself up.
“He’s fine, I guess.” I took a deep breath and continued, “He’s just way too hot to be a… Well, you know…”
“A priest?” she said.