“The novelty wore off,” I said, hating myself for the words I was forced to say.
“The novelty wore off?” she repeated.
“I want you to know that I truly did believe I loved you,” I said. “And it was fun while it lasted, but… I’ve come to realize that this relationship was never meant to last. It was stupid of me to think I could do commitment after a lifetime of avoiding it.”
“You’re not avoiding it; you’re running from it,” she said.
“Either way, it’s not for me,” I said. “You’re not for me. You’re too young, Natalie. You’re too immature. You haven’t experienced life yet. You’ve only ever been with one man. You’ve only ever kissed one man. That’s not normal.”
She seemed to cringe away from my words. “You never cared about any of that before,” she said. “You told me it didn’t matter to you.”
“I thought it didn’t,” I said. “But I’ve since realized that I was wrong. I need a woman who’s experienced life; I need a woman I can talk to.”
“And you can’t talk to me?” she asked tearfully.
“Things have changed for me, Natalie,” I said, wondering why it was so easy to convince her that I didn’t want her anymore. “It’s boring for me now. There’s no fire…no passion.”
“There’s no passion?” she repeated, in shock. “What about last weekend, when you woke me up in the middle of the night by pulling up my nightie.”
“Natalie…” I said, trying to keep her from reliving the moment.
I remembered that night. I had been grading papers till one in the morning. When I had finished, I’d gone to bed and slipped in beside Natalie who was sleeping soundly. I had never meant to wake her up, but the feel of her body beside mine sent waves of desire rushing through me. And I couldn’t control myself. I had teased her awake, kissing her lips and whispering to her while my hands traveled from her nipples to the wetness between her thighs.
I shut the memory out. It would only hurt more if I allowed myself to get sentimental. I needed to be ruthless about this. Otherwise I would break down, admit to everything, and then Natalie’s future would be gone, and Jason would have the last laugh. That was something that I couldn’t just let happen.
“You don’t remember?” she demanded passionately, and I realized that a few other diners were turning their heads in our direction. “You were hard with desire…”
“Natalie, this isn’t the place—”
“You fucked me twice that night… Do you remember that?” she asked, rising from her seat as a tear fell down her cheek.
“I remember,” I said quietly.
“Then how can you possibly sit there and tell me that the passion’s gone
?” she demanded.
I gritted my teeth. “I was having fun, Natalie,” I said harshly. “I was just having fun. This relationship between us… It was never meant to be more than that.”
She stared at me for a long moment. “Just like that, you don’t love me anymore?”
“I told you at the beginning, I’m not good with relationships,” I said.
The words triggered a memory, and I realized I was doing to Natalie exactly what my mother had done to my father. It was my worst nightmare come true. It was the thing I had struggled not to be my entire life. And yet, here I was in the strangest circumstances, doing what I had sworn I would never do.
“I’m sorry,” I said, without any emotion.
Natalie shook her head, and more tears trailed down her cheeks. “So, this is it?” she asked, and her voice shook desperately.
“Yes.”
Her perfect blue eyes met mine for only a second. Then she turned around and ran out of the restaurant, leaving me to an empty table and a restaurant full of people staring in my direction. I grabbed my wallet, set some cash on the table, and headed towards the door.
Just before I left, I spied Jason at the other corner of the restaurant. He was standing by a pillar. He was looking directly at me and applauding.
Chapter Thirty-One
Natalie