But instead, all I said was, “No, nothing.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Phil
“It’s going to be fine.”
Megan looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile. It was the second time that morning that she had repeated that to me.
We were standing in the visitors’ line as we filed into the prison. We had to stand for spot checks before walking through metal detectors. Two guards checked our bags, and our phones were confiscated on entry. It was suddenly becoming very real, and my palms were starting to sweat. I kept looking at Megan, and I realized her presence was the only thing giving my strength.
We were walked through to a room with several tables arranged in equal distances from one another. There was one chair on one side of the table and the opposite end held two chairs. The guests piled in and chose tables randomly. I could see that the room wasn’t even full. There were four vacant tables in the corners of the room. There were two guards positioned at the door and one more outside the room, looking in through the window.
“What do I say to him?” I asked, turning to Megan in panic.
“Start with hi,” she suggested. “And then go from there.”
“What if we have nothing to say to each other?”
“It’s been two and a half years, Phil,” Megan reminded me gently. “You will definitely have things to say to each other.”
“But—”
“Relax,” she said gently, putting her arm on my shoulder. “Take a deep breath and be honest—that’s all you can do.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“Listen,” Megan said. “I was thinking that you two need some time together, without me sitting in on your conversation.”
I frowned. “Where will you go?”
“I’ll just sit at that table on the far right,” Megan said. “Then when you’re ready, you can call me over and introduce me to your brother.”
I wasn’t sure if I was comfortable with that plan, but I did see the importance of having some one-on-one time with Paul… especially after so long. I might be comfortable with Megan being there, but I wasn’t sure Paul would be. That was what made me agree in the end.
“Okay.” I nodded.
We heard the shuffle of footsteps, and I realized that they were coming. Megan turned to me and gave me a small wink. She squeezed my hand and headed off to the corner table to sit and wait. A second later, the door opened, and a guard ushered in the prisoners. I strained my neck to catch sight of Paul, and then he appeared at the back of the line.
He was dressed in a dark uniform, and from the looks of it, he had built up some serious muscle since I’d last seen him. His hair was cropped short and was darker than I remembered it. Apart from a few old scars on his arms, he looked fit and healthy. He approached me straight on, but he didn’t look me in the eye right away. When he was right in front of me, he raised his eyes to meet mine.
His expression was almost unreadable, and I felt my lips dry out with nerves. So I decided to take Megan’s advice. “Hi, Paul,” I said, reaching out to shake his hand.
We shook hands and then an instant later, he pulled me in for a quick hug. When we pulled apart, I saw the corners of his mouth turn up in a smile. “Hello, little brother.”
We sat down together, and I breathed a little sigh of relief. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me,” I said, being as honest as Megan had advised me to be.
“For the first six months, I didn’t,” Paul replied. “But then I grew up and got over it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said immediately. “I should never have stopped coming.”
“You know, in a weird way…the fact that you stopped coming to visit is what gave me the reality check I needed. I was forced to look at my life and realize that I had no one anymore—and that was because of the choices I had made.”
“That still doesn’t stop me from feeling ashamed of what I did.”
“Water under the bridge, little brother,” Paul said fervently. “I forgave you for that a long time ago. I didn’t exactly make it easy for you when you did come and see me… I was always so hostile.”
“Why was that?” I asked.