“I’m sorry you had to do that.”
“Someone had to,” I said.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you during that phone call,” he said.
The very fact that he would apologize to me for something like that made me want to cry. He was such an amazingly decent human being that it floored me how very gullible I had been.
“You have nothing to apologize to me for,” I said. “The only reason you weren’t there for me is because I wasn’t there for you.”
Phil turned his head down, and I could see he was still struggling to make his decision about our relationship.
“Phil,” I said, drawing his attention.
“Yes?”
“I lied before,” I said. “I told you I didn’t know why I believed Brent
over you, but the truth is I do know why I did.”
He looked nervous suddenly. “Why?”
“Because you were too good to be true,” I sighed. “You were this perfect man with nothing negative about you. I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I mean, how could a man like you possibly be interested in someone like me?”
“What are you talking about?” Phil asked, sounding genuinely shocked.
“You’re handsome, you’re talented, and you’re an amazing firefighter,” I said. “You have the respect of the community, and you have a future that’s incredibly bright. You could have any woman you wanted… So why on earth would you pick me? I’m just a small-town girl, a college dropout…a virgin…”
“You can’t honestly have thought that this whole time—”
“Come on, Phil. I saw Anna,” I said. “She was beautiful. She could be a model. By comparison, I’m—”
“More beautiful,” he interrupted me. “You were always the most beautiful woman to me, Megan. In fact, I always thought you were too good for me. The problem is that you don’t see what I do. Sure, maybe you dropped out of college, but at least you went. At least you got in. I didn’t even apply. I knew there would be no point; no one would take me.”
“You became a firefighter,” I pointed out.
“It was either that or turn back to a life of crime,” Phil said. “And my hatred for my father was what turned me away from the latter option.”
I smiled and shrugged. “We both have our baggage, don’t we?”
“Everyone does,” Phil said. “I suppose it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“And yet…”
He smiled.
“I really am sorry, Phil,” I said. “I never should have believed Brent. I should have trusted my instincts.”
“Just out of curiosity, what were your instincts telling you?”
“They were telling me that you were not the kind of man who would lie to me or deal drugs or lead a double life. My instincts were telling me that I loved you and I had every reason to. My instincts were telling me that you were my family and everyone else was just…ships passing through.”
Phil nodded and looked down. He seemed melancholy all of a sudden, and I wondered if that was because he knew where our future was headed, and it wasn’t good.
“Stop overthinking, Megan,” I told myself. “You’re going to drive yourself crazy.”
“Sorry…did you say something?” Phil asked, alerting me to the fact that I’d actually spoken.
“Yes,” I wanted to say. “Yes, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, please forgive me and let’s give this another shot.”