“Two and a half years,” I replied. “We’ve had absolutely no contact. And, I think I owe you an apology.”
“Me?” Megan asked in shock. “You owe me an apology?”
“I accused you of turning your back on me when I did the same thing to my own brother,” I said.
“That’s sweet of you to say, Phil,” Megan said gently. “But your brother was guilty of the crime he was accused of. You were not.”
“I feel like it’s a small detail.”
“Is it?” she asked. “I’m not so sure.”
“Yes, he was guilty.” I nodded. “He admitted that himself… But there were a hundred different reasons he chose to make those decisions. I may not have agreed with him, but turning my back on him was not the right thing to do, whether he was right or wrong. At the end of the day, he’s still my brother.”
“I agree,” Megan replied.
“He was my hero, you know,” I said.
“You mentioned that he was.”
“I looked up to him like no one else,” I continued, thinking about how nice it was to be able to talk to someone about Paul. “It wasn’t like I had a lot of role models in my life. My father was a drunk and a deadbeat. But Paul… He was everything Dad wasn’t. At least, I thought so at the time. He was confident and sure of himself. He was decisive and in control. He commanded respect, even when he was sixteen years old.”
“He was forced to grow up fast,” she observed softly.
“I suppose he was.” I nodded. “It wasn’t until I was sitting in my cell that I really allowed myself to think about him. Can you imagine, going years without speaking to a sibling?”
“Right now, I can,” Megan said. “But my situation is a little different to yours. We may both have brothers in jail for the same crime, but I never respected or admired Brent like you did with Paul.”
I paused. This was the first time we were discussing Brent, and I could tell from Megan’s tone that there was a lot there that she hadn’t told me. I hadn’t even asked if her parents knew about Brent. I hadn’t asked her if she was planning on visiting him. The questions were all on the tip of my tongue, but Megan spoke before I got the chance to voice any of them.
> “You feel guilty, don’t you,” Megan asked. “About not having visited Paul in so long?”
“Guiltier than you can imagine,” I said.
“Well, then you have to correct it the only way you can,” Megan said. “Which is to go and see him. It’s better late than never.”
I smiled. “That is exactly what I’m planning on doing,” I said. “I’m going to New York this coming Sunday.”
“I’m proud of you,” she said immediately. “This trip can’t be easy for you to make on your own.”
“It’s not,” I admitted. “Which is why…”
“Yes?” she prompted, when I trailed off.
“Well… I suppose the whole reason I called was to ask if you would come with me,” I said. “I know I haven’t given you much notice and—”
“Of course, I’ll come with you,” Megan interrupted me. “I’d be honored to.”
“Thank you,” I said fervently. “I really appreciate this… I couldn’t imagine taking this trip without the support of…a friend.”
Girlfriend had been on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to say it just yet. Friend was the safe option. If Megan noticed it, she didn’t say a word. In fact, she didn’t acknowledge it at all.
“I’ll see you on Sunday then?” she asked.
“I’ll pick you up in the morning,” I said. “Around eleven?”
“Sounds good.”
“Thanks again, Megan,” I said.