“How did you’ll end it?” Marta asked.
“He told me he needed time and I told him I’d wait.”
“Time for what?” she asked in confusion. “Wait for what?”
I sighed. “I thought I knew at the time, but now I’m fucking confused,” I admitted. “I think he meant time to decide if he wanted to continue our relationship or end it for good. Which terrifies me to no end… What if he calls me one day and says he’s done?”
“It has been a week,” she said, with a frown. “What if you don’t hear back from him for months?”
“He wouldn’t do that,” I said, feeling my heart skip a beat and not in a good way.
She pursed her lips and looked at me sympathetically. “When does your course start?”
“In a week,” I said. “I’m late in applying, but Miriam said she’s put in a word for me, so I should be
okay to enroll.”
“What made you change your mind?” Marta asked.
“I guess I was just tired of postponing everything,” I said. “I need to figure out a plan for myself, and that means jumping in head first. There’s this girl named Stephanie who lives in an apartment complex a few blocks from Brent’s. She put out an ad for a roommate, and I answered it. The rent’s much cheaper, and I can afford to take a course at the same time. So that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Well, I’m proud of you.” Marta nodded in approval. “You’re making strides.”
“I don’t know about making strides,” I said. “But I’m trying my best to stay distracted.”
“Don’t worry so much,” she said comfortingly. “He’ll come around.”
“What if he doesn’t?” I asked.
“Then…you’ll survive and be stronger for it.”
I sighed. “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.”
“Have you tried calling him since you last spoke?”
“Uh…no,” I said, shaking my head.
Marta raised her eyebrows. “Why the hell not?”
“He wanted time…and space,” I pointed out. “That’s the one thing he asked for. How could I just ignore it? And what if he doesn’t want to speak to me at all until he’s made his decision?”
“Then, I’m sure he’ll find a way to let you know,” Marta said firmly. “My point is that you’ve got to keep trying. You’ve got to keep fighting. You need to show him that you’re not going to take him for granted. You’re going to make it really hard for him to leave you.”
“It feels like he’s already left me.”
“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get proactive about this boy,” she said firmly. “You need to make the same effort for him that you’re making in your professional life.”
“Shouldn’t I respect his wishes, though?”
“You were friends with Phil before you were a couple, right?” Marta asked.
“Yes.”
“Then start there and see where it goes.”
I frowned. “You know…that’s not a bad idea.”
“I’m full of great ideas and sage advice, don’t you forget that.”