“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” I whispered over and over. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”
Brian shook his head and mumbled something I couldn’t hear.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I’m not okay,” he murmured.
“Yes, you are,” I replied.
“No, Ava, I’m not okay!” he growled as he lifted his head and gave me a fierce look. “I’m so messed up, and I’m never going to be okay.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, bewildered by the sudden shift in the power dynamic as I realized that I was protecting him from something neither of us could see.
“It’s so screwed up,” he muttered as he shook his head. “I’ve kept it under control all week, but the lack of sleep and the stress of trying to keep you safe…”
“What? What did it do?” I pushed.
“It triggered the nightmares,” he admitted with a deep sigh.
“Nightmares?”
“Yeah, from the war,” he replied. “Ava, they told me I have PTSD and that I’m going to probably live with it all my life. The memories aren’t going to go away, but in order to manage them I have to get enough rest, stay away from drugs and alcohol, and not get into situations where stress rules the roost.”
“Then why are you doing this job?” I asked.
“Because I didn’t think it would be a big deal,” he admitted with a wry grin. “I mean, really, what’s so hard about babysitting a college girl whose ex-boyfriend is a jerk?”
I laughed a little as I heard him sum up what in any other world would have been a super easy security job, but I felt bad that my situation had caused him such pain and anguish.
“Yeah, that sounds like a cakewalk…if it wasn’t me,” I replied with a grin. “I’m sorry, Brian.”
“It’s not your fault,” he said as he reached up and cupped my face. “It’s mine for not managing it better.”
“Brian, what are we going to do?” I asked.
“We need to call the police and tell them what’s going on,” he said seriously. “I can’t maintain protection on my own, Ava. Dominic is off the rails and we need help here.”
“We can’t!” I cried. “You know that! You know I can’t get the police involved in this!”
“Ava, it’s not safe,” he said. “Not for you, and now, not for me either.”
I looked at him for a long while before I got up off the floor and looked down at him as I quietly replied, “Fine. If you need to back out and let my father hire someone else, then I understand.”
PROTECTOR #5
After I’d laid down the law on going to the police, Brian looked at me silently, then rolled over and went back to sleep without another word. I lay awake for a long time thinking about the consequences of calling the police and about what the stress of having to work this situation alone was doing to a man I was quickly becoming attached to, but in the end, I couldn’t see how we could involve the police in this without it becoming a nightmare for my father. Right before dawn, I drifted off into a fitful sleep.
The next morning, I woke up early and moved to the living room, where I sat on the couch staring out the window as Brian slept. There were lots of things about him that I didn’t understand, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever understand them. He’d obviously been through a lot in the military, and the effects of his experiences were rearing their ugly heads as he tried to balance his job with what he was feeling for me. Every day we grew closer, but was it really a bond that could last or was it simply the result of being cooped up together in this emergency situation that forced us to keep moving closer?
I was tired of running. I was tired of being afraid of Dominic. I’d spent a year trying to extract myself from his choking grip, and now I was right back to where I started. When would it ever end?
“Hey, you’re up early,” Brian said as he emerged from the bedroom, rubbing his sleepy eyes.
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” I replied in a tired voice before looking up at him. “You okay?”
“Huh?” he gave me a confused look. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“Well, last night was kind of intense,” I said.