"How was Emily?" Daniel asked.
"She was everything a woman should be. Soft, sweet, and moaned like a kitten in heat. It was amazing." Clay moved up beside me and took the spatula from my hand. "Go get a beer, dude. You need it."
I licked at my lips and turned without another word. Weariness rolled over me, but I shoved it away. I wasn't letting this girl get under my skin. It was my last summer of freedom before having to make some hard decisions. Would it be more school or a job that didn't pay enough to cover the bills?
My kinesiology degree was fun as hell and becoming a coach was all I'd ever wanted, but there was no way to get a high-paying job without working like a grunt for little to no pay for years to do it.
The cool air in the house wrapped around me as I walked in and moved to the fridge, my thoughts moving about in different directions.
I'd been straightforward with Daniel a few days before about not caring too much about my career, but I understood quite well that any woman that might consider something with me for the long-term would want stability.
"Long-term? Dear God, please shut up," I mumbled at myself and pulled a beer from the fridge.
Clay was standing at the entrance to the kitchen with his hands on his hips, staring at me with a knowing look on his face.
"Damn, dude." I lifted the beer to my lips, drinking down half of it before continuing. "You scared the shit out of me. I'm not thinking that your new fling would be too happy with you watching me that intently. Might confuse the poor girl."
"What's up with you?" He walked to the fridge, nudging me with his shoulder. "You've been off more than usual."
"It's nothing, man." I shrugged and leaned against the counter.
"That's a fucking lie. You don't want to talk about it, cool, but don't think we don't notice." He turned to me as he popped the top on his beer.
"I can't come, alright?" I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling a little too exposed and yet knowing that Clay would keep nudging the truth from me until I spilled.
"Come where?" He took a sip of his beer as his expression softened.
"No, dude. I can't come. Like all this sex I've had over the last few years has left me, I don't know, numb." I shrugged and finished the beer before dropping it into the trashcan.
"Jack off, Brody." He stayed still, but watched me intently.
"I do, thank you very much. Still...nothing." I shrugged and let out a long sigh. "It's fucked up, alright? I'll see someone about it when we ge
t back home."
"Yeah, you need to." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Are you shitting me? Because I know you like fucking around. You not coming sounds like one of your fucked up-”
"I can't come alright? Seriously." I brushed my fingers by my lips as the thought of Cora rushed past my mind. "I think I've objectified women too much. It's lost the thrill of what it should be."
"How long?"
"Since I came?" I glanced over at him as Derek walked into the house.
"Oh, shit. Count me out of this conversation." The big cowboy turned and walked back out of the house, causing me to smile.
"I did the other night because I thought about Cora, but before then? It's been a long time. Too long to think about." I shrugged and got out another beer. "Maybe something is wrong with me."
"Yeah, or maybe you're growing up." Clay reached over and patted my chest. "Try pulling back a little and waiting for a woman worth stripping for. Not all of them are worthy of that, bro."
"No? Could have fooled me." I winked and walked back toward the porch, tired of the conversation. I was the alpha dick of the group that used women and slept around, no matter where we went or what we did. It was my spot on the team, my designated position. We laughed over my escapades and joked about my sexual prowess all the time. It was who I was.
I walked back out to the grill and took the spatula from Daniel's hand to start pulling the burgers off the grill.
"What should I wear tonight? I'm not sure if I should go for my swimsuit and a t-shirt or maybe some khakis and a polo?" Daniel turned his attention toward me. "I want to wear something that says I'm cool and laid back, but that I'm also mildly interested in looking good."
I chuckled. "Wear whatever you want to, Dan. Just be yourself, dude. You'll be fine."
"Wear the khakis." Clay moved up beside me. "Not all of us have your confidence, Brody."