"You fell for him then and it's happening again now. That's why you're so upset that he's gone."
"No, it isn't," I said defensively. It was. It totally was, but I didn't want to acknowledge it and make it true. She looked at me with the same deep blue eyes her brother had.
"I know he's going to wait for you, Vee, as long as you make him, but you have to see that he means what he says to you."
I was supposed to be the psych major, but it wasn't possible to shrink yourself. I just needed some time. I wasn't blowing him off, and I wasn't lying to him about how I felt. He knew I was unsure about what was happening between us. She still had a point, though, no matter what I felt.
"Have you heard from him?" I asked.
"Yeah, earlier today. He texted." Did he ask about me?
"How is he?"
"Fine. He said everything's going well. He sounded confident about his performance."
"That's good. Right?"
"He's there to impress scouts, so that's very good."
"He really wants this. I hope it works out," I said.
"He's lucky he has you supporting him."
"How can I not? I wish what I felt with him was simple. I want him to be happy, and that means this. Going away for the combine and then probably again to play for whoever signs him. I just feel the closer we get, the worse it'll be when we have to separate again."
"You have to trust him, Vee. Talk to him. He loves you, and he isn't going to do anything that's going to fuck things up between you."
"You're right," I said, admitting it to myself at the same time. I could panic and keep trying to deny that it was true, or I could accept it. It shouldn't have been this difficult opening up to someone who I had trusted and had a history with already. I could only say it was because of what he had done to me for so long. Part of it was just me, not giving as much as I was getting from him.
"He's really serious, Vee. I know I'm biased because you're my best friend and he's my brother, but you guys are good together," she said shrugging.
"I know," I agreed, sighing.
"Oh, and if you were wondering, yeah. He did ask about you. He asked me to tell him how you were. I told him to ask you himself. He's going to call."
"Don't tell me that. I'm gonna expect it now," I said.
"Well, you won't have to wait too long."
; Eventually, Tiff had to leave for work. I ended up leaving to go to the grocery store. What did I feel like having tonight, I thought, filling the shelves of my fridge with produce. I had made the frittata the day before to clean the veggie box out and since Roman had joined me for breakfast, I didn’t have any leftover. That was the one drawback of living on your own and cooking for yourself: leftovers. They were good when you needed something fast and convenient, but if you overshot how much rice you needed to make risotto by accident, you were eating it for the next three days.
The mushrooms looked good. I thought through what I would need to cook them into a sauce that I could put over pasta. Roasting them with some sprouts, carrots, and peppers sounded good, too. I had never tried making mushroom soup at home before, I could do that. I could freeze soup and making it would justify the bread I had gotten... But it was summer, I couldn't eat soup. I decided to throw them in the oven with the peppers and sprouts. The leftovers could go in a salad, sandwich, or quiche.
Midway through prep, a call came through on my phone, hiding the recipe screen. The name stopped me for a second: it was Sean. I almost laughed. Sean? When had we last talked? Two weeks ago? Why was he calling me now? If memory served, the last thing he had said to me was an ultimatum. I give him one good reason to keep going out with me or he wouldn't anymore, like I was up for elimination on America's Next Top Model or something.
I let it keep ringing, I didn't even feel bad when he called back and I did it again. In my defense, I was busy, I didn't want to pick my phone up while I was cooking, but more than that...fuck that guy.
Was he still waiting on that reason to date him, instead of the new woman he met? I didn't have one, there was his answer. I had Roman. Putting it so black and white made my spine tingle. I had him. Why the hell would I waste time with someone who needed me to convince him to date me?
Why the hell would I waste time with Sean anymore anyway? He was awful. I'd never get any of the time we spent together back. He couldn't communicate; he was terse and emotionally unintelligent. His relationship practices and mine didn't mesh. I had Roman and whatever little interest I had had in Sean was gone.
I ate dinner in front of the television before heading to bed. I heard my phone vibrate again. Please don't be Sean again, I thought. Roman's name flashed on my screen instead. My excitement ticked up slightly. He had said he would call me, I thought. The fact that I had halfway been expecting it didn't mean I wasn't excited that he had actually done what he said.
"Hello?" I said, picking up.
"Hey, babe," he said over the phone. I smiled, rolling onto my side and tucking the phone between my ear and the pillow. The word Tiffany had used flashed through my mind again. Taken.